the smell of my desperation has become a stench


(Imagine me, cat-like, hanging from the ceiling by all four paws, my entire bloodstream filled with shots of espresso. Like, a demonic Garfield! Meowsies!)

Today is a hugely super dooperly enormous day here at the Blurbodoocery, one where everyone is running around slapping duct tape up here and over there, hoping that the energy emanating from our office doesn’t blow the doors off the house. Although that would kind of be cool as it would give the neighbors something to talk about other than the way that Armstrong woman is always standing on the porch in her pajamas screaming COCO!! as that little skunk runs around the yard barking at grass.

Note: We no longer refer to Coco as Coco. She is always addressed as COCO!!, with lips pursed and a bit of a growl in the throat. It is also the most frequently used word in the house.

I am so excited and thrilled and DEMONICALLY GARFIELDED to announce that I have signed an exclusive development deal with HGTV.

H to the G to the T to the V.


You can see me here! And here is the official press release.

I am joining the HGTV talent family, as they call it, and I could not be more over the moon. I’m all the way to Jupiter. The air is very thin and dry up here.

There are a lot of projects and ideas in my life that I’ve wanted to develop but haven’t had the resources to do so, and HGTV is the perfect partner to help me take this next step. I think what we’re planning to do is going to be fun and spectacular and a fantastic addition to what I already do over here. And yes, I’ll still be posting on my regular schedule here on this Internet Website Blog Thing. Y’all, I would never take Chuck away from you. Unless you started upholstering your couch in denim, and I’d be all, hmm….

I cannot wait to take you all along for this exhilarating ride! Meowsies!

Many thanks to Katie Granju for her stalwart support and role in the project development (you can find her on Twitter at @kgranju). I can’t gush enough about her vision and wisdom. Also, it’s great to know that I have someone in Knoxville who can buy me a bourbon.

Now, back to hanging from the ceiling!

  • workroom

    2010/01/23 at 6:59 pm

    please please promise you’ll do a piece on fixing a house roof… one with…

    wait for it,


  • ERStolpe

    2010/01/23 at 8:11 pm

    This is so cool!
    Now I’m in a quandry – I got rid of cable TV ten years ago and never looked back. If it’s good enough to get put on dvd, it’s good enough for me to watch.
    But I want to see the Blurbodoocery productions! Do I get cable again?
    Ouch, this is difficult.

    I’m so pleased for you, Heather. Just think, “I read her when…”

  • littleREDelf

    2010/01/23 at 8:45 pm

    big congrats! i laughed out loud at you prostrate on floor wailing “i don’t wanna unload the dishwasher on more time!” gaw . . sometimes, i feel chained to it, even though it’s a convenient appliance.

  • landersgreen_photography

    2010/01/23 at 10:25 pm

    That’s so exciting. Congrats!!

  • bambooska

    2010/01/24 at 4:07 am


    I’ll watch it just because of you. SERIOUSLY. 😀

  • WarsawMommy

    2010/01/24 at 5:35 am

    I must say that I have absolutely no idea what HGTV is, as we do not get it in Poland, but I sense this is a big deal and I can tell you’re very excited….so, congratulations! Maybe I can watch some episodes online or on Youtube??

  • lightreader

    2010/01/24 at 6:23 am

    I’ve been reading you for a long time but the first thing that popped into my mind is “Big frakkin’ deal” and I really don’t know why.

  • vegas

    2010/01/24 at 10:42 am

    Congrats 🙂


  • cjblu

    2010/01/24 at 11:08 am

    you rock, doocelady

  • Firelight

    2010/01/24 at 6:13 pm

    I dreamed that you were designing lingerie. Now how far off can that be? Congrats, dooce!

  • Domestiquette

    2010/01/24 at 8:17 pm

    Finally. A post that actually MAKES SENSE and isn’t just “there’s a big secret thing going on!”

    Congratulations, Heather. This totally rocks. Let us know when to set the DVR!

  • imaynotremember

    2010/01/24 at 8:20 pm

    Sounds like Coco still has a bit of puppy in her. This isn’t much for comparison but I can relate because I have a kitty that is a year old. He loves to climb up on my chair and play with stuff on my desk and knock it off and then I yell DAVION!!! and he looks at me as if to say, What? Then he tries to continue on with what ever it is he’s getting into shenanigans over. He loves to shove his water dish around and splash the water out of the dish until it’s empty (he usually does this all while I am asleep or away from home). He’s a real treat. 🙂

  • joyrising

    2010/01/24 at 8:47 pm

    Congratulations, Heather!!! This is fantastic news! I am so happy for you, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store. Yeay HGTV!!!

  • tooshay

    2010/01/24 at 9:39 pm

    No, you didn’t! Combining two things I love: sarcasm and HGTV!

    Heather, with the power and influence you’ll surely wield, please do the following: insist on child locks on cell phones, remote controls, stoves and refrigerators. Its a no brainer. I have a one year old. I know you know what I’m talking about…

  • Schmutzie

    2010/01/24 at 9:48 pm

    Woot! Nicely done, Ms. Armstrong.

  • lovemarriageandababycarriage

    2010/01/24 at 10:33 pm

    Congrats! You are such an inspiration! I’ll be curious to see how this project takes shape, love HGTV. Best of luck:)

  • msknow73

    2010/01/24 at 10:44 pm

    Personally, I think it’s fantastic they felt it necessary to add the names of your dogs, but omit the names of your daughters.

  • Krys72599

    2010/01/25 at 8:42 am

    OMG! PLEASE be sure they air it when I can watch it, whatever “it” is!!!
    You can’t have a show on at 10:30am – we don’t have a DVR or Tivo and my vcr doesn’t record anymore.
    Although admittedly this just might be what puts me over the edge to the point of “going against my husband’s wishes” and authorizing DVR for another $9.95 a month “even though Cablevision is already charging us too much money.” (I’m quoting dear hubby there, in case you couldn’t figure that out!)

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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