An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Office remodel, episode two

This should surprise no one except for maybe the two people who just googled CONSTIPATED WALRUS BALL and pulled up this website for the first time that Jon has spent the last ten days researching the gravy out of how to use all his new video equipment. Also, we’ve been to therapy since the last video, and so this episode of our office remodel doesn’t have the I REFUSE TO THANK YOU FOR UNLOADING THE DISHWASHER WHEN I HAD TO ASK YOU TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE kind of tension going on.

However, I’ve heard that kind of tension is good for make-up sex.

(Skip that part, Dad. Mom, you know what I’m talking about.)

I think you’ll like the improvements, including the surprise at the end. And yes, without giving too much away, that is photographic evidence of the mustard yellow pajamas and dead bird on my head from the weekend. Who loves you?

Click here if you are having trouble viewing the video. (Give it a moment to load before you click this link!)

  • katka

    OMG, she’s walking! And you really have a dead bird in your hair 🙂 But the office looks great so far.
    One little thing – you can always hear when something is read out/scripted, it just sounds unnatural. I am an interpreter so I am especially sensitive to it and it bugs me no end. Quite probably noone else noticed 🙂

    PS. Go Tyrant!
    PPS. Nice work John.

  • Fanannie

    …and I thought you were JOKING about the dead bird on your head. Apaprently not! :0

    LOVED the dancing at the end!

  • bazanna

    YAY! she’s walking….so cute! i love watching all the remodel stuff evolve. i will probably never be so blessed to have such an awesome space, but i do like to watch you guys and drool!

    please reconsider throwing out that shirt before leta reads it…

  • echo3golf

    Nice video. Although I did have to pause you and un-mute the TV when I saw a story about Snooki coming on. Also, that dance seemed very Napolean Dynamite inspired…?

  • Amber

    Who needs HGTV?

    I loved this video. HILARIOUS! (squirrels’ forboding “bitch” message)… INFORMATIVE! (the in-depth series of blahs from john), INSPIRING! (your butt, and your design process and choices).

    Seriously, I loved this. Keep it coming.

  • mariebeth

    Marlo is just the cutest baby 🙂 And she’s WALKING!!! That’s about all I can think of after seeing the video 🙂

  • dawdawsmom

    love the masthead!!!

  • dominiquewynand

    aiiiyy Marlo was soooo adorable!

    I don’t think I was ready for all that lack of jelly though!!! =)

  • TheScarlett

    The side tables are from CB2 Click.

    Loved the dancing segment and the music was inspired. I’d like to know where you got the yellow top at the end of the first disastrophe video. Super cute.


  • lemonjenny

    Add me as another person who would love to know where the couch and chair are from! 🙂 Sources??

  • jacqueline

    i read this post this morning; thi afternoon i got bored and googled ‘constipated walrus ball’ and you do, in fact, come up first.


  • Brainyest

    LOOOOOOOOOVE the side tables – where are they from? – WANT THEM!!!

  • malisams

    Y’all are hilarious. Blah blah blah is so right…my husband is a networking freak, too. Total cord porn.

    Also, I know you said rectilinear, but I initially heard “rectal linear” and ohhhhh boy, did I laugh a good one there. RECTAL. Yeah buddy.


  • wendamatica

    I really liked the noodle-y appendage dance. And the color of the couch. And the–oh heck, I just liked the whole thing. Thanks for sharing!

  • jan001

    I would like you to please come make over my home office. It should take you… 20 minutes? It’s a small office, but you have style, whereas I have none. Case in point: I doubt it would have occurred to me to turn the shelving unit on its side. Way cool.

    As a lover of clean lines in general when it comes to design (I really should have been an adult during the Art Deco period), I really like the couch and the chair, a LOT. I also freely admit to more than a little envy of your space. It would be so neat to have a seating area in my home office. I don’t need it, mind you, but I would love to have one. The closest I have is one of the chairs from the dining room set up next to the desk from when I was showing someone the progress on a project a couple of weeks ago.

    Loved the “BLAH BLAH BLAH” over the cable runs, spelling with apricots, and of course Marlo’s first steps.

    You’re a hoot, Armstong(s)!

  • DooceFan4Eva

    That video made my day.

    Please tell John that I loved the style of the editing and overall production.

  • tokenblogger

    And here I go to the gym to get rid of some butt.

    Wish I coulda just sent you some — don’t know that it would have been as nice as what you’re shaping out now (Okay, that reads totally you-know-whut-I-mean!).

    Still? Congrats!

  • knolting

    The dancing at the end made my day. haha And as someone else whose hair looks like a bird’s nest when she wakes up, thank you for sharing.

  • gretchie

    How ironic, you’re exercising to get a butt, and I’m exercising to shrink mine. I’ll never forget that dance. Ever. I will pay a therapist a lot of money trying, but I just know I’ll never forget it.

  • Fierce Beagle

    There’s that ass! I guess the office is okay, too.

  • Brea

    @KatieMama – Heather really did say rectilineal, didn’t she?!

    I loved the bird hair and the first steps – however, the highlight was the unexpected butt shimmy.

    I don’t know how you can claim that you don’t know how to dance. Or have a butt…

  • stargirlmia89

    Haha I love it! Marlo is precious! And the squirrels are bitches. And Chuck and Coco in the cabinet. AND EVERYTHING.

  • The Fabulous Mrs. Chevy

    I am loving this peek at the office remodel and can’t WAIT to see how you hide all the cables. Hubby and I just bought our very first house and are already at odds about decorating, but I know two of our biggest challenges are 1) all of his computer/geek cables and 2) odd room layouts that create space arrangement difficulties. I am excited for the big reveal so that I can get some ideas about how to do it in our place and totally plagiarize your style.

  • pickledots

    Did I see a body roll with high kicks at the end there?

  • ERStolpe

    “The video you are trying to watch is currently unavailable. Check back again.”
    Even after I clicked the ‘having trouble’ link.

  • imaynotremember

    Awe, Marlo took her first steps! 🙂 So cute. Before too long my niece will be doing that as well.

    Your office is looking nice!

  • Schnauzie_Mom

    That dance at the end was hilarious. It was the Elaine dance doing the booty bounce.

    The office looks good though, it’s coming together:)

  • smithk61

    heh. you said “rectalinear”

  • workroom

    lol my brain went into the shakes when I heard “littlest of ease”… I couldn’t focus after that… until those first baby steps, that was awesome.


    was the butt thing supposed to be a metaphor for the tidying up of the office?

    “look! no junk in this trunk!”

  • krisity

    Wow I love Tyrant’s shelving unit!! I can’t wait to see all the little vignettes you guys put in.

    Really not a fan of the rug. I really like the idea of juxtaposing modern and traditional, but the rug is not the best representation of traditional. It looks like a cheap interpretation of a persian rug that you found at a garage sale that the former owner found in the discount section of a Home Depot in South Dakota.

    It’s something about the faded color palette. It doesn’t look intentional, it looks like it’s been left in the sun too long. And the faded-ness is especially accentuated by the “truer” colors of the surrounding furniture. I love the tiny 60’s tables but the rug really clashes with that cluster. Honestly the rug looks like something cheap you picked up that you didn’t mind Chuck and Coco getting dirty. A Persian rug would/will look great you just need to get one with slightly “darker” colors. Imagine being in Photoshop and sliding the exposure and brightness down a couple notches.

    Not a huge fan of the white chair either. I like the sturdy/sleek wooden legs, but the cushions again make it look cheap and something you don’t mind the dogs getting dirty. It’s not structured enough to match the pewter sofa, and not soft enough to contrast with it. It just looks like an odd in-between, not transition.

    Maybe these *types* of pieces would work better (colors might not match and prices are whoa):

    I love the pewter couch. That thing’s gorgeous and matches well with the tiny tables and glass table.

    It’s THE RUG that needs to go!

  • Dogmom

    Sorry. Enjoyed the video. Thanks for the giggle. And the lovely baby steps.

  • utahbeach

    Whoa. I know what section of the camera manual Jon studied hardest. The fuzzy focus to in-focus transition module. The first time was cool, but the 7th time it happened, I was sighing.

  • manda82panda

    Your in so much trouble now that she can walk.

  • solaana

    I cannot put into words how much you remind me of my friend Sarah, who is from Johnson City, TN. IT IS SO EERIE, IT’S FREAKING ME OUT. Everyone in Tennessee clearly is a total goofball, and talks like that. Which is awesome.

  • Sneeka

    Awesome! Very cool – loving the butt dance and Marlo walking!
    Keep it up!

    oh! Love Tyrant!

  • Ezza

    Go Marlo! Now that she’s on her feet, you can teach her to do that butt-dance!

    I still want to see the Elaine from Seinfeld.

  • dragonfish

    have you ordered your office coffee mugs yet?
    i think i found them for you today:

  • lipjunkjunkie

    Did you really say “rectalineal”? HA

  • sparkyd

    That video reminded me of both my sons. My youngest is a month younger than Marlo and they seem to be on the same developmental pace so I look to her to see what he will be doing next. Glad to see he’ll be walking soon! And that butt dance was very similar to the one my three year old does! Awesome.

  • Rich

    I came for the cable hiding, so I am hoping that does show up in the next video. Or are these first 2 videos just a big tease to the cable hiding video?
    Cliffhanger perhaps?
    Loved seeing Marlo’s first steps, the butt dancing, not so much.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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