An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

And the nightmares return

So the weird and annoying and “makes Heather burst up and out of bed with an obscenity” dreams are back with Cymbalta. I had these types of dreams when I was on Zoloft, but rarely when on Prozac. In fact, on Zoloft I was convinced one night that a tarantula had dropped out of the ceiling and onto our bed at the exact moment Jon was dreaming that someone was breaking into our apartment. Holy God. Seriously, you guys should hire us for parties.

I shot out of that bed so fast that I ended up diving head-first three feet across the room into our dresser, knocking over a lamp and breaking it into hundreds of pieces, all while Jon was screaming, “WHERE’S THE INTRUDER! WHERE’S THE INTRUDER!” I banged my head hard enough to wake up, and I was all, intruder? You mean the giant, hairy spider that landed on my leg? IT’S STILL IN BED NEXT TO YOU. And I’m not coming over there to save you, sorry, that wasn’t in our vows.

Once everything had calmed down and we figured out what was going on, I climbed back into bed and fell instantly asleep while Jon sat up terrified the rest of the night. That whole scenario pretty much sums up our marriage.

So last night I got stuck in a mall. ALL NIGHT LONG. I could not find an exit, and I kept passing the Hot Topic and the JC Penney and the Cinnabon, over and over again. And I knew I was dreaming, but I couldn’t wake myself up to get out of it. Oh, there’s the Hot Topic again! Maybe I should stop in a grab some fake jewels with sticky tape on the back so that I can pretend my nose is pierced! Or maybe a Hello Kitty purse, you know, so I can finally start acting my age.

When Tyrant got into work this morning he asked how I had slept, and even though I know he didn’t care I said, “I got stuck in a mall and I couldn’t get out. For eight straight hours. Total nightmare.”

Nightmare?!” he said, incredulous. “Sweetie, you may call that a nightmare, but when you’re gay you call that reality. Please.”

  • Plano Mom

    On both Prozac and Cymbalta, I have extremely vivid dreams of everyday life – sending emails, making dinner, cleaning house. I finally had to stop taking both of them because I was spending all my waking hours stressing out on all the tasks I thought I had finished but in fact had only dreamed of finishing. When you coupled it with the great-sex-but-no-fireworks-at-the-end-ever, well… my depression just MIGHT be manageable with something else.

    Again, I do have very mild symptoms in comparison so not taking it is okay for me. But I sure would like to find something that works, so I could stop struggling to be happy.

  • TexasKatie

    DO NOT TRY PAXIL! I see someone suggested that. BAD IDEA, VERY VERY VERY BAD IDEA. That has the shortest half life of all of the SSRI’s, so therefore it has HORRENDOUS side effects, especially when going off of it. It works really well overall, but just try missing a day of your meds and you will feel the telltale “Zaps” where you feel like your brain is being electrocuted. I was on Paxil for about 10 years so I know this all too well. And Paxil takes away your sex drive completely. I had a nervous breakdown after getting off of Paxil because the doctors didn’t taper it slowly enough. And I Mean, you have to taper by the milligram. It is horrible. Zoloft has really been the best for me, honestly.

  • Cooky

    Heather — your posts are the highlight of my day.

    I can so relate to the wild and vivid dreams.

    My reoccuring one is — I’m on a business trip and need to get checked out of the hotel, but I can’t find the front desk.

    And I think I’m in love with Tyrant. Why are the gay guys always so dang cute?

    Hugs to your whole family. Hope the wee one is finally feeling better. Nothing more frustrating than trying to console an unconsolable ill child.

  • ubertaco

    Heather, try PRISTIQ~! Sex drive…woooohhhoooooo~!
    *ahem* Tyrant still looks like a Serial Killer, ;-P only with great skin. lol

  • amyptucson

    I’ve taught myself to scream in nightmares, so that it makes me wake up. In the dream, it sounds like a forceful scream. In real life, it sounds more like a strangled sort of yelp but it wakes me up — or wakes up my husband who wakes me up. Works for me. (not so well for him)

  • WendyW

    I have crazy dreams when I miss my medication. If I forget to take it, I have awful night sweats, crazy dreams and I have a hard time going to sleep. I’m on effexor and I try not to miss it because I get the brain shivers first thing the next day. And like you, no sex drive, but quality of life equals it out for me. I’m a crazy mess without it and suffered from PPD as well. I wish I could stop taking it because I cannot lose weight, but I’ve been on something sine 1997 and every time I try to get off, I just can’t. Just shows how much that stuff gets into our heads – literally – to mess with our dreams so easily.

  • preachrswf

    Gee thanks Heather. I JUST started taking Cymbalta today and was unaware of the nightmares I’m apparently going to start having. It’s bad enough that my husband EATS in his sleep! Do you have any idea what the crumbs from Frosted Mini Wheats feel like? RAZORS! Or how would you like to wake up, walk outside in your pj’s to get the paper, wave to the neighbors and then discover that you have a POP TART plastered to your back? Maybe I need to have one of my kids move back home to monitor us. No, never mind. Then I’d have to start drinking again and Dr said to stay away from alcohol. Will it ever end???

  • kristi.demeester

    Stuck in a mall for hours? TERRIFYING! Even more terrifying? Knowing that the Pretzel shop is somewhere and not EVER being able to find it.

  • AshesVonDust

    Mall all to yourself? Cinnabon? No annoying people walking slow in front of you?

    Can I have your nightmares, please? xD
    I can see how it would be freaky, but I have always wanted to be locked in a mall by myself overnight. Well, a good mall. If it was an old-people mall, that would suck.

    Oh, Captcha. “tooklaku especially”? I agree.

  • JennyP

    How could it be a nightmare if there was a Cinnabon there?? I guess maybe if the Cinnabon was closed, or they were out of frosting…

  • Elspeth, meet “Hyperbole and a Half” –

    i think the two of you have at least one thing in common. spiders are evil.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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