An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The dooce® Xbox Live Second Chance Giveaway

Jon was fiddling with our xBox yesterday when he found this video of Chuck and Coco on the hard drive. I’d always wondered what their voices sounded like.

We tried for hours to decipher what Coco was saying, and if you slow it down and play it backwards it goes: WORSHIP SATAN. WORSHIP SATAN.

So get this… turns out Microsoft wants to give away another xBox package (an xBox plus a Kinect console plus a Joyride game plus a one year xBox 360 Live membership) and then award five additional people a one year xBox 360 Live membership. Same rules and conditions apply as the last giveaway, and the contest is open until 11:59 PM ET on December 3, 2010.

This time in your comment you should guess what Coco was getting at. You won’t be judged on your guess, but I think it’ll be fun to see what you’re thinking, as we were thinking, “Yum, poop is good! Yum, poop is good!”

(If you are having difficulty viewing the video, you can click here to view it.)

  • papolskis

    Coco’s not talking. That’s just audible gas…

  • Kristen Marie

    “Help, I’m trapped in hell” Repeat.

  • Lucky13

    I’m not sure what she’s saying, but I bet the dolphins can understand her…..

  • Jess F

    She is asking to borrow Chuck’s eyeliner 🙂

  • loisopal

    “the further I turn my head the more sense it makes!”

  • tealeth922

    Coco is discussing the pros & cons of the mythical bobcat you may or may not have living in your back yard.

  • HBGal

    BACON! (So not original, but, still would love to win!)

  • laurentony

    Cute. I think she’s channeling Beaker.

    Thanks for the second chance! All best to you and your family.

  • hverde

    I don’t know what she’s saying, but when I watched it, my dog went crazy. LOL.

  • Marty

    The dogs were rehearsing the 12 days of Christmas and arguing about which one does which part. Aren’t dogs lovely… especially when they learn to sing and the best is when they smile at us on command.

  • Marty

    The dogs were rehearsing the 12 days of Christmas and arguing about which one does which part. Aren’t dogs lovely… especially when they learn to sing and the best is when they smile at us on command.

  • loisopal

    blast, accidentally posted twice. I think yall are being inundated with either xbox fanatics or dog whisperers.

  • do2na


  • chadwick

    “By golly! My picture? On TV? Chuck may have his own fancy calendar, and is beloved the world over…but I am going to be a STAR!!! … ooh, bacon!”

  • The Dalai Mama

    “I have to pee…stop babbling Chuck…I have to pee.”

  • kmpinkel

    My own Aussie is having fits. Could Coco be her longs lost sister?cousin? Or maybe my dog is freaking out merely for the fact she came all the way to Michigan to get away from her!

    Ultimately, I believe it is Chuck’s superior skills as a ventriloquist and that Coco is not saying anything at all, except maybe get your paw out of my butt.

  • betsymarchand

    snacks? poop? espionage? snacks!

    such a sweet simple soul. 🙂

  • LooseSeal

    I’m not fluent in Dog, but Coco is clearly plotting on how to get her next helium fix.

  • Chris2fer

    She is saying: Why do you sound like a girl? Im confused.
    Also, Poop.

  • Zeldas Mom

    Coco’s thinking, “It’s a win-win! I get to eat poop AND get rid of the small humans!”

  • beautiful_heartache

    Clearly Coco is planning for Heather to join the next Dancing with the Stars cast.

  • the_grapes_of_ROUGH

    I don’t care what she’s saying. Give me an xbox, please.

  • jessies

    I have no idea what she is saying, but that video was very disturbing! = )

  • Hezzer

    She’s obviously telling Chuck that she is a highly trained assassin for the government and could easily take out the tiny human with no trouble at all, but that she loves to watch him suffer.

  • mle81502

    Coco is worried that all of that poop eating has gone directly to her hips. It didn’t help that Chuck told her that the TV adds 10lbs….

  • JenniferMommy

    Coco is saying “Please don’t make me listen to anymore Trans Siberian Orchestra Christmas music! Even the Elvis Christmas album would be better! Wait, what? Cher has a Christmas album? Whatever dude.

  • yana.natanzon

    Whatever Coco was thinking, she was thinking it in Stewie’s voice.

  • tiffyyippie

    hooray for another chance at the xbox!

    coco and chuck are excited that, after years of planning, they can finally carry out their plan: “the great dooce house takeover!”


  • julesmb

    “Wait, what… where’s the squirrel. Can I have a treat?”

  • laurenkayhouse

    “Where is that squeaky toy?! Where is it?! It’s driving me crazy!”

  • midwest-mom

    Coco is esplaining to Chuck that she is now a union member and her contract needs to reflect a higher pay grade and special considerations made for bumping off an evil human offspring.

  • kpage

    I have no idea, but dogs make me smile.

  • threeblindmoose

    Redrum! REDRUM!

    What can I say, I speak fluent Coco.

  • csakraida

    Coco is saying “Which child are you talking about, Tyrant?”

  • FinsterSpinster

    She is lamenting about wasting a whole hour watching Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

  • fnber2

    I think she is saying “Did you know if I turn my head like this everything sort of looks funny….oooh and now its normal again….funny…normal…”

  • complexlyleslie

    Some drivel about the theory of relativity.

  • volfie

    I can’t be a loser twice, can I? Bad for my self-esteem, that!

  • Buffy4444

    I don’t speak French, but apparently Coco does and Chuck understands!

  • josephine

    LOL, I’m dying reading everyone else’s entries at this point and can’t even begin to come up with my own idea to explain Coco’s madness. My dog came running over to investigate though, so she must me saying something amazing!

  • noeller

    I’m pretty sure I made out the words “poop” and “vomit” but I just can’t make out the rest.

  • Amy Jo Momma

    Chuck kind of sounds like Dame Judy Dench. Coco was probably getting a little turned on.

  • mkatemorgan

    i think she is talking about the BYU game this weekend.

  • surrahgo

    I never realized Chuck was such an evil mastermind and Coco only his weak minion. How did I miss it? Coco is saying “Don’t make me do it. The smallest human worships me and the rest are coming around.”

  • periwinkled

    Haha, my dog was super interested in what Coco was saying (running around the couch, cocking her head to one side, then the other), so I’m going to guess it was something along the lines of “You’re making noises! I can make noises, too! LET’S EVERYBODY MAKE NOISES!”

    (My capcha phrase is “Trinity benlicky,” which I now must name my firstborn child.)

  • dailymumbo

    I’m pretty sure Coco is wondering if she should gel the hair on the back and sides of her front legs… maybe go for the spiked look… definitely more intimidating.

  • daveduq387

    She’s excited to see herself!

  • Camels and Chocolate

    I think it’s so much simpler than that. (Coco, after all, is a simple canine.) She’s clearly just thinking, “BACON? Did somebody say they had BACON????”

  • Robbin

    maybe she is decribing what she think Marlo would taste like if she were allowed to chew on her.

    Robbin B

  • Deckside Thoughts

    Coco is obviously telling Chuck that she’s tired of being blamed for the bowel problems in the house and she’s not going to take it anymore. She doesn’t much care about Marlo.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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