Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Not a boring resolutions post, is it?

I’m not normally a resolution maker, but I think as I age I can see the wisdom in such an exercise. Know what else I’ve learned with age? Life is too short to a) wait until you’re alone to pull your underwear out of your butt, b) obey the sign that says, NO RIGHT TURN ON RED and c) listen to anyone who suggests that watching two hours of botfly infestation videos on YouTube is a waste of time.

Also, if someone sends me a link to a really good video of earwax removal, I’m like THERE GOES THE REST OF MY DAY.

So I’ve been thinking about what I want for me and my family in the upcoming year, and here’s what I’ve come up with. Note: I’m trying to be realistic, so I avoided anything involving Zac Efron, but hey! Did you guys hear? He and Vanessa broke up! That’s just awful and tragic, but such good news for those of you who aren’t married and have the balls to stalk him!

First, I want to cook more. Oh god, Jon’s mom is going to read that and start calling every day to make sure I haven’t burned down the house. Not going to happen! You know why? Because Tyrant heard I was going to help my mom cook the turkey for Thanksgiving and he immediately bought a fire extinguisher.

Next, I’d like to read more books. I could tell you the specific number of books I have in mind for the year, but then you would know how little I’m reading now, and that may be the one thing in my life I’m too embarrassed to share. It’s just… all those episodes of “America’s Next Top Model” aren’t going to watch themselves, and next thing you know the free time that I would have used to read a book is gone!

And finally (yes, there are only three things on this list, otherwise I’d be too overwhelmed, and next thing you know it’s a Tyra smorgasbord all over again), and this one is going to sound weird, but I want to mix up my wardrobe a little bit. Take more risks. Not like bikini-top-basketball-shorts-Jesus-sandals kind of risk, I’d just like to wear a wider variety of what I already own and not just the same comfortable t-shirt over and over again. Or have my friend Cami text me at eight o’clock at night asking, “Are you still in your workout clothes from this morning?” and have the answer be, “Yes, how did you know?”

Spill it. What are you aiming for this year? (if the answer is “moose” or “elk” I don’t want to know)

  • Mialulu

    I have all kinds of New Year Resolutions. Basically to get my shit together. The list that goes with this consist of losing my Holiday pounds, get my finances in order, paying off my credit cards and medical expenses, and getting myself into counseling so that maybe I can figure out why I have such a hard time with relationships, commitments and finding a good available guy that adores me! I am a hot mess. I am hoping in 2011, I can leave off the mess and just be hot!

  • becaru

    I give myself until the end of January to declare on the resolutions, but I’m really close to finishing a master’s degree, and so that will be on the 2011 list, (just as it was on the 2010 list).
    But I must comment on the book-reading resolution, as one of my co-workers asked me the other day, (while I was reading “The Angle of Repose” at work during a slow moment), “What kind of book do you think I would like?”. I had to get a clarification on that one, and he went on to admit that he hadn’t read a book since high school, (he’s almost 30, and truly one of the nicest guys going). Moral of story? Don’t feel bad about how much you read, and vowing to read more is always a good thing!

  • eireguitar

    No matter how any of these turn out, I’m going to record a CD, learn sign language, and dye my hair blue.

  • KYK_NKD

    Take more pictures! Which leads to always being picture ready 🙂

  • PreemieMommy
  • bionicbriana

    To procreate. Your war stories of fearless and kamikaze toddlers hasn’t dissuaded me!!

  • antifuse

    Mine are pretty simple – read more, like you (I got a Kindle for Xmas, though it won’t be showing up till sometime at the end of this month), and get my fitness and nutrition back on track. Oh, and number one? Take more pictures!

  • Absent Minded Housewife

    I’m going to still pull my underwear out of my crack wherever I am, I’m just resolved to stop sniffing my fingers afterwards.

  • napangel

    I’m going to try to calm down and not get so worked up about shit. Oh! And I’m going to try to get more organized this year. My life is a bit out of control. My poor kids.

  • hrhnicole

    (1) find a family physician/internal med physician I LOVE. I decided that mediocrity isn’t ok when it comes my personal health. (2) learn how to take advantage of my smartphone. had it for months with NO EXTRA APPS!

  • Never a Plain Jane

    One thing at a time. Multi-tasking is a myth! And that’s my whole list. I was going to make it longer but that seemed like a violation of my resolution and how sad would it be to break their resolution within the same list of which it is the top item?

  • One Hungry Mutha

    I’d like to be consistently NICER to my husband! It’s so easy to be a bitch, and believe me, that’s NOT the first word that came to mind…
    Also, read more, but then I got into Celebrity Rehab, so once that’s over…
    http://onehungrymutha.blogspot.com/

  • amofrisk

    I know I’m a bit late on this, so I guess the first thing on my list would be to catch up on dooce.com. I kid . . . sort of. In 2011, I need to get back into my workout routine and update my wardrobe. But even more than those things, I need to closely monitor how many engagements and commitments I sign myself and my husband up for, because we spent far too much of 2010 with other people and not enough with each other.

  • travellinglightly

    So, this is embarrassing, but I got so excited when I read this post that I signed up for the community (which is confusing for the computer-inept) and then searched for it again just so I could say this:

    Hello, my name is Sarah and I was on America’s Next Top Model Cycle 9. I really love this blog and am super excited that you might have seen me on TV.

  • Be Like The Squirrel Girl

    I really need to have a date night with my husband once a month. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

  • love guru

    Hope you manage to accomplish all this tasks,
    But about stalk Zack i could propose a little article named “how to date a Celebrity” from my blog.

    Lg from Love Tips

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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