the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Recent Posts

How to Annoy Me

Haggle over a women’s rib-knit cowl-neck sweater that I’ve priced at 25 cents.

September 24, 2001

Strategic Power Lunch

Although I’d sworn off fast-food lunches last month after realizing that I’d spent over 40% of my weekly income on “extra guacamole,” today I decided to violate my midday meal policy with several co-workers at the nearest Baja Buds. I needed the camaraderie–the inevitable, universal…

September 19, 2001

Listening

Sparklehorse: It’s a Wonderful Life

Reading

Propaganda, American-style

How to Charm Me

Still eat the cookies I baked at 475 degrees when they were supposed to be baked at 375. The dial on the oven was all fuzzy.

How to Annoy Me

Ask me, “Are you going to finish that burrito?” You even think about reaching over here and you will promptly lose two fingers.

Punch Drunk

Every television or radio journalist from Dan Rather on down should have the word “flotilla” striken from their vocabularies. Every corporate employee within earshot of any other living, breathing fellow employee should have the word “genericize” scribbled on a chalky piece of paper and shoved…

September 18, 2001

Thinking

I refuse to genericize my template.

Enjoying

Bubble-Squeak

How to Charm Me

Assure me that Temptation Island will return for an encore season.

How to Annoy Me

When I catch you picking your nose in your car, instantly pretend that it was just an itch you had to scratch. That’s a mighty deep itch, motherfucker.

Thinking

What am I going to do with 36 rolls of toilet paper?

September 17, 2001