An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Dooce Needs a Dog

When I was seven years old I asked my father for a Saint Bernard not knowing that “because they don’t poop little poop” would become the answer to every request I made for at least eleven more years. I couldn’t stay out past midnight because…

November 26, 2001


Swell: Everybody Wants to Know


Simon Ladefoged

How to Charm Me

You’re four years old and you describe the taste of Diet Coke as “potent”.

How to Annoy Me

Prepare a meal that sends me to sleep with 14,000 calories in my belly.