Heater, Mother of Lance

Look at me! Asking for your advice! Please be gentle!

This is a random request to start off a blog post, but you didn’t come here to read the website of a law-abiding citizen who really believes that George Washington cut down that cherry tree with all of their patriotic, law-abiding heart. NO. You came…

September 19, 2019

“Rocking flannels all summer like Kurt Cobain”

As I write this I’m sitting in bed propped up on pillows as some random dude I hired off of Nextdoor feeds me grapes and makes tiny origami shapes of Benicio Del Toro while singing the entire Bee Gees catalog. A cappella. He was originally…

September 11, 2019

// Featured Reads

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Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong. When I first wrote a bio for this site I called myself a SAHM—a Stay At Home Mom, or, Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker. More than a decade later I am now what’s referred to as a FTSWM—a Full-Time Single Working Mom, or, Fuck That Shit Where’s Marijuana.

This used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works.

Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride. dooce is back. And she’s talking about herself in the third person, so you know you better have a barf bag at the ready.

 

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