An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

My yearly, gentle reminder of our collective mortality

Ever since I turned in the pages for my book just a little over a month ago I have been trying to fit in all of the shit that I purposefully sort of let fall off the edge of the earth while in the thick…

May 23, 2018

Marlo’s favorite delivery of the season

For those of you who know Marlo in real life, you know there are some pretty distinct constants about her personality. For instance, she has a really hard time being alone and the feeling of boredom to her is not unlike being burned alive—the Bible…

May 22, 2018

The age of orthodontics

Yesterday we began Marlo’s long and certain-to-be adventurous (I was going to use the adjective “WILL BE THE CAUSE OF MY PREMATURE DEATH” but I was feeling oddly generous) journey that starts with correcting her overbite with some funky ass materials sort of resembling a…

May 17, 2018

// Featured Reads

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Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong. When I first wrote a bio for this site I called myself a SAHM—a Stay At Home Mom, or, Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker. More than a decade later I am now what’s referred to as a FTSWM—a Full-Time Single Working Mom, or, Fuck That Shit Where’s Marijuana.

This used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works.

Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride. dooce is back. And she’s talking about herself in the third person, so you know you better have a barf bag at the ready.

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Join the Dooce community
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