Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

The Great Pants Disaster 2001™

When two lanky people with a collective inseam of over 144 inches decide against everyone else’s better judgment to cohabitate, they must allocate a large percentage of their daily schedule to battling the inevitable pants plague: pants on the floor, pants on the nightstand, pants…

November 28, 2001


My doctor said I have veins perfect for heroin injection. Isn’t that, like, illegal or something?


Knife in the Water: Red River



How to Charm Me

Resist the urge to giggle when I slam my forehead into the dresser and temporarily blackout.

How to Annoy Me

Tell me to stop drinking so much caffeine. You’re my primary care physician, what do you know?