Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.


You should have seen this woman. You wouldn’t have believed it. I didn’t believe it at first. But this is Los Angeles; the entire economy hinges on a collective suspension of disbelief. I was on my way to meet an old friend for lunch in…

March 1, 2002


Which horizontal surface should I nap on today? The choices are overwhelming.


My next-door neighbor singing in the shower. Dude just needs to stop.


Feeling Guilty

For finishing off a fifth of Bacardi. In three hours.

How to Charm Me

Send me email suggesting alternative ways to cure my constipation.

How to Annoy Me

Suggest that, silly rabbit, Trix are for kids. Leave the fucking rabbit out of this.