Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.


There will be trampolines in heaven.

March 13, 2003


Cave Cave


When Can I Go Into The Supermarket and Buy What I Need With My Good Looks?

Feeling Guilty

For putting Powder Fresh Lady Speed Stick on my dog’s stinky feet.

How to Annoy Me

Doubt that my mother really is the Avon World Sales Leader. She will totally crush you.

How to Charm Me

Lie on the floor on your back, and when I come sit down unexpectedly on your belly let out a squeaky fart as if you are my own personal 185 lb whoopee cushion.


The collective sigh of an entire city.