Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.


Photography by Sacha Dean Bïyan

July 18, 2003


TIVO was made so that you can rewind “Entertainment Tonight” and watch Beyoncé’s ass jiggle in slow motion.

How to Charm Me

Warn me before you fart. It’s the simple things, really.

How to Annoy Me

Describe my belly as “poochy.” I’d describe your social graces as “lacking.”

Feeling Guilty

For referring to the baby in my womb as my “deliverable.”


Bless This Din

It’s My Birthday, Too

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday, and although I think I reached a point several birthdays ago where turning a year older wasn’t necessarily a thing to celebrate, I’d have to say that this birthday in particular is the one I’ve been trying to stave off…