Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Feeling Guilty

For laughing uncontrollably when the 80 lb dog gets stuck underneath the bed, for the sixth time in two hours.

October 12, 2003

How to Annoy Me

I know you’re fascinated with my belly button, but touch it again and you’ll pull back a hand with at least three fingers missing.

How to Charm Me

Nickname our dog “The Onanistic Fellatiator.”