An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


My Karate Kid Shower

May 5, 2004

How to Charm Me

Make a baby monitor that is so good that I can hear the sound of my baby’s hair growing in the other room.


Empirical evidence shows that babies don’t particularly like to have their toes pulled. This doesn’t mean that I won’t keep trying.

How to Annoy Me

Say that you and your fiancé are going to get a “prenumptial” agreement.

Feeling Guilty

For blaming my farts on the baby. You knew this was bound to happen.