An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
  • I love how your photo caption sounds like it could have come from a 1950’s educational film about insects, complete with exclamation! “Interesting AND fun!”

    Good work on the drugstore coup. I would so do that, and I don’t even have a child!

  • Sue

    I’ve been inspired by you, Heather, and I’m working on a URL..

    anywho, I haven’t seen one this year but I did see a walking those are nifty little creatures.

  • ranae

    oh my god! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK so these praying mantis couple decided to have a little familiy outside my apartment door – have you ever seen hundreds of these little creatures? they completely freak me out – especially when they raise their little arms up in the air and hiss and chase you while wiggling their little jaws

  • PoeticaL

    wowsers those window’s need painted…baaad. Nice shot tho’.

  • Shh! If you listen closely, you can hear him praying … “And my prayer to God is concerning my brethren, that they may once again come to the knowledge of God, yea, the redemption of Christ; that they may once again be a delightsome people.”

    That bugger sounds a LOT like Mormon. SOUND THE ALARM!!

  • ella’s ma

    You wouldn’t find me anywhere close enough to get a pic like that. Any creature with more than 4 legs just creeps me out.
    And dooce: I totally agree about the pants thing. Why is it so hard for men to get it right????

  • I cannot stop shuddering. Bleh.

  • Elizabeth

    On the topic of t-shirts (bugs that big with that many legs and a reputation for being aggressive scare me to death), did you see Darn Tootin’s daughter with the t-shirt that reads “Talks Too Much” ??

    Our son has wonderful blonde curls so his grandmother won’t let us cut them — so everywhere we go, we get “what’s her name?” Sigh.

    Then a friend sent us an article about a Jewish family who is having a HUGE celebration/party — family being forced to fly on airplanes to attend, etc. — on the occasion of their child’s first haircut at the age of three. Our Gillis is only 22 months!

  • About boys getting the pants just right – mine wears his jeans cuffed and a little short – a little geeky…and soooo hot.

  • If that bug spits in your eye, you’ll go blind. So you better pray that it don’t spit in your eye.

  • I had a mantis land on me late one night while I was waiting for the train. It came out of the darkness, and in the station lights, I swear to god it was so big it looked like a pigeon. Then it landed. Wow! What a freaky little alien! I hope there will ALWAYS be mantids in the world.

  • papercup

    I’m more interested in the peeling paint.

  • renee

    My dad told me when he was in Vietnam some of the GI’s had these and would fight them…not the GI’s fighting the mantid, but 2 mantids fighting each other, that is….

  • Donaville

    good lord, not another picture of Paris Hilton!

  • Jen

    It’s only one, and I think that when they “reconvene the procedure” they’re end to end – so it looks like a two-headed praying mantis!

  • Don’t get bummed out over the “Da Da” thing. My little nephew calls everything and everyone “Daddy”. And he is two.

  • Mantises creep me out too. My husband on the other hand thinks they’re the coolest thing ever, and wants to order a bunch of mantis eggs online to release in our back yard so they’ll eat the mosquitoes. I don’t know, I think I’d rather thave a yard with a thousand mosquitoes than a yard with a hundred mantises. Mosquitoes are of course a pain in the ass, sometimes literally, but they don’t make me shriek and flail so that’s something in their favor.

    All of this reveals that I am way more of a girly-girl than I’d like to believe. Um, I did have fun watching the cicadas coming out of their shells though?

  • I once saw a nature film of a praying mantis and a black widow. They fought, the praying mantis one. Since then, I’ve loved those little guys.

    They are beautiful bugs.

  • I HATE those things!! Hate, hate, hate! I could hardly even stand to look at that picture.

    My littles sister, who is a lover of all living things, had a “pet” praying mantis that lived in our house. One day, many years ago, I was sitting on the couch, reading Nancy Drew, waiting to go to school, when the monster crawled up ON MY LEG! I flipped out. I was paralized for fear that if I moved it would jump on my face and start eating my eyes. My sister stood there and laughed at me for a good 5 minutes before she would rescue me from the beast.

  • Boy, things have changed since I was a kid. If I saw one of those in my younger days, the first thing I would have grabbed was a magnifying glass with which to channel the sun’s rays and fry that little bastard. Now people are grabbing cameras and posting pictures of them online. Interesting…


  • Kano

    Why do a lot of people say things like great shot and Wow amazing composition and things like that? It’s a freaking insect on a brick wall. Then there is Daniel that sounds like he has some serial killer tendacies if you fried a Praying Mantis as a kid.

  • Brooke

    Be nice, Kano. I think it’s a pretty interesting picture.

  • Ev

    A Mantis by Brad Leithauser

    Rapt in her layered leaves, lit by
    an inner light
    She does not stir.

    She’s dropped into a trance so deep
    It looks devout, and, yes,
    This IS religious zeal –
    though focused less
    On providence than provender.

    She prays purely for prey:
    Don’t let me go go sleep
    Hungry tonight.

  • alisha

    I see the chipping paint in the picture and it worries me as my little one (17 months) was just diagnosed with lead poisoning. Heather- if this is your house just be extra careful for paint chips. If not sorry for the I’m telling you what to do post.

  • the bricks are roughly the colour of poop.

  • Leon as Devil’s Advocate

    Kano said at 03:33PM, 10.20.2004:
    Why do a lot of people say things like great shot and Wow amazing composition and things like that? It’s a freaking insect on a brick wall.

    Well Kano, you will find comments of that ilk’ quite common round’ these parts. Usually from woman eager to take Dooce’s wife job away from her, or from men trying to supplant DJ Blurb as hubbie of Heather.

    …..of course, that’s just my opinion

  • James’ bug looks like it’s trying to get away with something.

    I really don’t think that letting a woman with a baby in front of you in line ought to be conditional on whether the medicine’s for “him” or you. I mean there’s good old fashioned courtesy, and also getting a sick person out of range as soon as possible…

    I have to stick up for Chuck here, Dooce. Think of the dedication he shows to that pop-tart. Think of the sheer determination, the single-minded love of the leftover people food item. How can you deny such a stirring demonstration? Hmm. You gave it to him, didn’t you?

  • Gah! Preying mantises freak me out.
    When I took animal behavior, I found out that they don’t actually have brains. The female remove the male’s head before copulation, and with the upper portion of the nervous system removed, the body (automatically) mates with the female. It’s really quite interesting, but it is also gross! And squicky! And why am I posting this disturbing fact? The world may never know. Gah.

  • uh, that critter is bigger than my apartment. Not. Okay.

  • Leon and Kano,

    Oddly enough people have different opinions as to what’s a good composition. Esthetic’s are subjective, you only see a bug on a brick wall while others see a balance of horizontal and vertical lines and some interesting colours and textures. Woulda cropped it a little tighter myself, but there’s that subjective thing again.

    Just maybe people like the picture. Interesting your first thought is that the comments are somehow sexually related.

  • Tracy

    Such cynics, Leon and Kano. Had it really not occured to you that if someone has a negative opinion about the art of a person they respect, they might simply choose not to say anything instead of being snarky? Basic grade-school ethics, dudes.

  • Leon as Pollyanna

    You’re right
    Everything is wonderful
    Everything is amazing
    Everything is fabulous
    Everything is a”esthetic”

    …..gag, I can’t vomit this much sunshine

    The tag of “Devil’s Advocate” didn’t strike you at all as ironic?

    …..but again, that’s just my opinion

    The school yard dodgeball is back in your court

  • IHateToast

    oh hell, i just like it because i love insects and arachnids. and anurans and skinks and geckos and and and….
    this isn’t an art show. she’s not charging us to view or buy. the photos and essays are (for me) entertainment, as are the comments.
    lighten up, francis!

  • IHateToast

    wow, it says i wrote that 6:56 pm 10.20…
    but it’s 11:14 am the 21st over here in brisbane. aaaaah, time zones. when i turn 40, i’ll make sure i’m on a flight coming back from the states so i can just skip that day.
    so, if you’re into the lottery, the numbers are 2 6 15 24 40 and 48 … trust me, i know. i’m in tomorrow….oooooooh!

  • Hey I hate toast, I know what you mean. Being in aussie land causes changes in time zone, it is happening to me here as well being down south. I love insects and all animals, and i guide the kids at the museum and they love the mantis and dead stick insects.

  • My God! It’s huge!! Florida mantises are itty bitty compared to that brick-sized monster.

  • meep

    i’m an asian. i didn’t know a praying mantis is considered a lucky omen. :\
    by the way. asian is a very, very, very, very general term ^__^

  • ingrid

    1. if you haven’t seen it already, (and assuming blockbusters in utah even make it available) you and jon simply must rent “latter days.” it’s a touching boy-meets-boy story of a fine young mormon sent on a mission to west hollywood (bow-chick–bow-bow). officemates had to watch me convulse at the sight of such a bug. shiver, indeed.

    3. alas, i made my poor mother cry that after months of her doting on me, i became a “dada-ist.” it’ll soon be your turn!

  • OMG. I SO saw Leta, chewing on that window frame last night. I didn’t want to say anything – given you don’t want any unsolicited advice and all? But I thought you should know. As a parent.

    And I am definitely not going to tell you what I saw that Mantis do to Chuck.? I’ll just say that they DO bite.

    Chuck may or may not have liked it.

  • Liz

    I must say that the Praying Mantis is one of the two bugs I will actually touch (the other being the adorable Lady Bug), but that one just looks frightening! It’s huge!!!

  • With respect to your post “On your way to becoming America’s Next Top Person With a Brain in His Mind”:

    Hear freakin’ HEAR.

  • IHateToast

    me again. i’m stalling writing a paper. bad me. i think what makes the p.m. so amazing is that it rotates its head and you can tell s/he is watching you. it doesn’t scurry. it is not afraid. it just watches you, and if your index finger gets too close, it’ll open its ambitious mouth. it seems so wise and cultured (scuze me as i anthropomorphize) with and abdomen that looks like cut-away coat tails.
    and it’s a great killer.
    very hanibal lecter.
    when they get that big, you need to name them, because chances are, they have mastered 2 languages and quantum physics, and expect to be address by their name.
    okay, back to the paper. this sucks.

  • Yikes!

  • AssKissingAlert

    I think Leon is not entirely beyond the pale here. Every day there is a lot of gratuitous brown-nosing going on … NOT that I think people should be more snarky. However, sometimes the gushing is disproportionate to the normality or “average-ness” of whatever’s been posted for us to comment on.

  • Snarky McBitchypants

    Now to offend thousands of people…

    The trick is to wait until you have something interesting to say and THEN post a comment.

    Just an idea.

  • louisegyrl

    they are indeed supposed to be lucky – so don’t kill it or anything. 😉

  • No kidding – most of the comments here say the exact same thing…

  • I think I like comments on blogs more than blogs themselves. First, you’ll get a bunch of people who are all “OMG I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU”, then someone will dissent, then someone will be like “Well, if you don’t like it then don’t read the blog” and I feel like saying…dude, comments are available for a reason, if someone wrote a negative or disagreeing letter to the editor would you tell them to stop reading the paper? My opinion is if a blog has a comments option than it is opening itself up to criticism and it is to them that I would say hey, if you can’t take the good with the bad then just forget about having comments at all (obviously I don’t condone disrespect or anything like that). Anyway, I’m sure most of the pointless comments would be gone if there wasn’t a way for people to link back to their own blogs.

  • kim

    jim, that is a really good point (about the linking back). but me, personally, i think: so what? just let people do what they wanna do. if heather doesn’t like it, she can shut down the comments and i’m sure she’d do that. until then, why not let people say what they want even if it’s just to link to their site. after all, it’s heather’s site. sometimes i wonder if people don’t have anything else to worry about.. how lucky you are.. ;o)

  • jessielee

    regarding ingrid’s recommendation of ‘latter days’ – it’s available at hollywood video’s in utah, and their CEO is LDS. they don’t hide everything from the public here, folks.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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