An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Grandmommie and punkin head

  • The Avon world sales leader is gorgeous! You definitely have beauty running in your genes. Or, should I say Jeans?

    Oh, hardy har-har I crack my shit up!

  • liz

    a SEALED Halls bag?

    dooce, are you goin’ soft on us? what happened to the days when rolls of paper towels ran swiftly and freely through the rivers of Tequila and shards of broken glass?

  • Is that a blurry George(!) in the background?

  • Erin

    Buying a kid toys before they are three is a waste man. They do not care about the toy, they want only for bits of discarded cardboard and or the phone.

  • Hey, Cora’s name is Punkin head!

  • When I was little, my favorite Christmas was when my parents made me and my brother a fort out of cardboard boxes, and put office supplies in it. My own pad of paper! My *own* roll of scotch tape! I was a happy, happy girl.

    Looking back, I suppose money was probably pretty tight that year, but boy was I THRILLED with my presents.

  • beachgal

    When I got a new cell phone, my son got the old one. Cause he absolutely loves phones…he’s got like three toy ones and my old cell phone…it’s insane….he loves boxes, and pots and pans and wooden spoons, too. Kids are normally so easy to please.

  • ~~~LittleHoney~~~

    Lmao…we didnt win big. went down a bit, but went back up. I love blackjack. But I am such the mommy type thatr as soon as we “made” 15 bucks I dragged him out of the casino kicking and screaming. We had to get back to the screaming baby anyway….and Thanks!!!

  • Just read yesterday’s….Tom Cruise is gay? Did I miss something?????

  • Tom Cruise is gay–right. OF FRANCE!

  • Tek

    I enjoy your daily photos. the kitchen remodeling disaster, A Year in the Life of Heather’s Hair all assist in my daily job. could the internet get a Reflections on Dooce collection(dooce in the mirror)?

  • Claire


    First time commenting–

    A couple things:
    1. I hail from the DC area and months ago saw the “blog” article in the Washington Post magazine (with your input & photo). My husband said, “Hey, isn’t this the blog girl you read about constantly?”.
    2. Funny you should mention punkin being so motivated to play with household goods–friends of ours once placed a bunch of inflated balloons in a big black trash bag and gave them to their little daughter Sophia as a b-day gift. They’re smart I tell ya’–they don’t buy any gifts; they leave that to all of their family/friends who don’t mind spending a small fortune on toys.

  • Well I for one refuse to cave into the gay Tom Cruise theory. I’ve never even heard of speculations so i’m not quite sure where everyone is getting that from! (Unless it’s his full luscious hair and girlish which case I’ll give you that.) Leta is, as always, adorable. Though it looks as if you took an orange pen and did her eyebrows! Where did all that red hair come from? I’m also pleased to say I have absolutely no idea what the hell Boohbah is, and from the way everyone is describing it as “baby crack” I doubt I ever will.

  • Whatnot.

    I was reading the blurb when I saw the word ‘whatnot’. I swear, I am never going to be able to look or say that word without thinking ‘shit’.

    I also jumped over to t-shirt hell for my daily dosage of ‘omgthatissosick!’ fix.
    The Olsen twins are sueing them because of a shirt they have out. The article is pretty funny. If you click the link (the one above this comment), it will hopefully take you there.
    *warning* the shirts are totally offensive, please don’t blame me if you go look at them and say, “I can’t believe they are making fun of Christopher Reeves, Britney Spears (sorry Heather, no one is safe on that site) and Ron Artest!”


  • stella

    Heater, do you use avon products?

  • Tom Cruise gay.
    This was a few years ago. I don’t remember hearing anything about it, but then I do live under a rock.

  • Bah. I wasn’t sure the rules with links… Didn’t work. Anyway, just google “tom cruise gay”. Haha.

  • ella’s ma

    My daughter loves plastic bowls, the spray bottle we put water in for ironing, and chewing on the bottle of saline nasal spray. Oh yeah, and CD cases, remote controls, the wooden rolling pin…. pretty much anything that didn’t come labelled for ” 12+ Months”.

  • I was sure I was going to have a devil child with my second (it runs in the family), but I have a little angel instead. He’s been sleeping through the night (as in 7pm to 7am) since he was eight weeks old. No shit. He also has three naps a day. My soon to be four-year-old sleeps 11 hours at night and still has a two- to three-hour nap in the afternoon. And they both have lovely personalities to boot. I tell ya, I’m a happy, happy woman. Maybe I should write a book on how to create sleepy kids 🙂

  • ella’s ma

    P.S. Have you seen The Wiggles? It’s super creepy but my daughter dances right along. She hasn’t gotten into Boohbah.
    And before I forget- GEORGE!

  • The Wiggles are fantastic. “Fruit salad . . . yummy, yummy . . .”

  • Did you know Greg has his own lounge act? Yeah. He performed in Vegas.

  • Adorable picture!!!

  • Beautiful Picture. My Mom wants a grankid from me sooooooo bad, it’s not even funny. Your mom is really a pretty lady and Leta is just…yummy!

  • Danika

    First thing I did was search for the lamp in the thumbnail. Sometimes.. I’m a tiny bit disappointed that the thumbnail is so misleading as to what the picture really is. However today I wasn’t as disappointed because… well Frog smiles are wonderful.

  • Heather

    Your story on the Boobah’s excited me so. You seem like a woman that can appreciate this. Last week while Christmas shopping with my hubby, we went to Target to look around for toys for our sons, 6 year old Alan and 1 year old Aidan. And low and behold what did we find… BOOBAH’S @ $10.00 a piece. My son Aidan loves the Boobah’s and so this discovery excited me so, considering those beautiful (sarcasm) creatures are normally like $30 a piece. So in my state of mind being extremely happy about the price I proceded to shout, in the middle of Target no less “BOOBAHS FOR EVERYONE ON ME!!” With that, my husband took my hand ever so gently and escorted me to the register to pay, and I grabbed my bags full of Boobah and ran out as if the sale were going to end any second and I would be forced to pay, gasp, full price!
    The Boobah are stored in my sons closet and every now and then I squeeze the little boohah hand so the music starts, and I watch his little head turn back and forth frantically as if to say “I know you bitches have them, give them up”

  • Julie

    “Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, cock a doodle do.”

    The wiggles taught my girl how to do the rooster dance!

  • Pismire–I’m afraid to admit that my wife and I (momentarily) considered flying down to see him.

    We went and saw the Wiggles on tour with my daughters (who adore them) and I have to say it was pretty entertaining. Murray came around and said hi to the kids. And yes, I was a little excited to see him. (Though I couldn’t “play the guitar with Murray” if I wanted to.)

    Captain Feathersword is a riot.

  • JP

    While I can admit to its calming effects on young (hyper-ish) children, Boohbah scares the living hell out of adults. Colorful ‘blobs’ making farting noises…good times.

  • What great smiles. Baby smiles are the best because the only cares they have in the world include food, sleep and whatnot. It’s like pure joy.

    The thumbnail kind of looks like an illustration. Cool.

    Boobah’s – I haven’t seen them yet, but I’m hesitating to check them out. If anyone has ever seen the Angel episode with the evil-puppets-from-hell-for-a-kid’s-show, they’ll know why. Instead of baby crack, the Boobahs could truly be Satan and his minions.

  • It’s hard to say which one looks the happier. Fabulous photo – definately one for the album!

  • Julie

    My brother-in-law had never seen Boohbah before but saw them at Thanksgiving at our house. He said that whoever was writing that show was hoarding all the good drugs and needed to share…apparently he thought it might be a really good show if you were under the influence.

  • Aaron: When I first heard of The Wiggles and saw their show, I have to admit, I was scared. But after I’ve seen how excited they make my niece, I, too, would consider seeing their “live” show. Or I would even go crazy and head to Vegas, if our Greg was still there singing his heart out.

  • It’s amazing how much babies love getting their photo taken. I don’t think there’s an adult in the world that can smile that genuinely or brightly on cue.

    She’s *adorable*.

  • Tom Cruise is gay? I don’t buy it.

  • Pismire: When I was on maternity leave with our second child, Sweet Pea, our oldest (then 4-1/2 yrs) watched the Wiggles as much as she could. By the time I had to return to work (12 weeks later) I think I’d heard every Wiggles song three times, and was hearing the lyrics in my head during office hours.
    (These days, I just quote from Finding Nemo — from the days of my maternity leave with our last one)

    Heather: Your story about buying up the Boobahs cracked me up! Especially the end “I know you have ’em!” Hee hee…

    “Cold spaghetti, cold spaghetti…”

  • your mom is beautiful, dooce. no wonder your DNA is so hot. 🙂

  • Pismire–No doubt they come off as total weird-o’s. It wasn’t until I read that Greg started the Wiggles to give his daughter and her school a “music class” that I began to see that these guys are basically a bunch of dads who love their kids and are being goofy to make them happy.

    I totally approve.

  • See: Just because someone comes off as weird doesn’t mean they actually are. 😛

  • Jon’s post yesterday was very thought-provoking and relevant.

  • Julie

    Hot potato, hot potato…

  • Damn this non-sequiter wiggles talk.

  • Jeanine

    Just put Boobah in Google to see what it was. Five minutes later I came to …I am at work for heaven’s sake! Heaven help me, it is better that Solitare. I’m doomed. I am 50 in February. I’m a grown up…I thought.
    Very beautiful picture of Leta. Thanks for sharing.

  • Julie

    D-O-R-O-T-H-Y…It’s Dorothy the Dinosaur! D-O-R-O-T-H-Y! She’s our favorite Dinosaur. Barumbababump. Barumbababump.

    Just for you Aaron…

  • Bluedevil

    Dudes … I don’t think that’s George.

  • Am I the only one who thinks Leta kind of resembles Grandmommie in that picture?

    A truly lovely photo!

  • Thanks, Julie. But look out! You shouldn’t be posting things on these comments that are in any way out of context.

    God forbid that a website dedicated to out-of-context photos of pig-peppermint-fucking, George!FecalMatter, *fuck* language, and (public) drunkenness (among other things) have readers who would post out-of-context comments.

    God forbid we actually talk to one another in a mode of discussion celebrated BY THIS VERY HOST.

    Cuz we all know that the internet is a place of controlled, logically oriented, modern discussion. (much like TV and Radio) (yes, that was sarcasm).

    Could the people opposing this kind of discussion please get off their high-horses and watch Springer, or something?



  • Okay, I haven’t read all of the comments yet so forgive me if this has been said:

    If Boohbah = Crack


    Whitney Houston = Crack is fo po people

    can we therefore conclude that

    1. Boohbah is fo po people

    2. Whitney Houston will never watch Boohbah


    3. Boohbah is what’s going on in Whitney Houston’s head as of THIS VERY MOMENT


    Talk amongst yourselves.

  • Sharon

    And do we all know that Dooce has been nominated in the category for Best Essayist blog, in the 2004 weblog awards?

    They are at if you want to vote!

  • Heidi

    The next Avon world sales leader?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more