Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

How to Annoy Me

Lick up the toothpaste I accidentally spill on the floor and then throw it up, thus causing the whole house to smell like cavity-protected, minty fresh dog puke.

December 8, 2004

Explosive Votive

Yesterday I set Leta on the dining room table so that I could put her coat on. Sitting next to her were three festive glass candle holders my mother gave me because her house is so full of ceramic pigs she didn’t have any room…

Thinking

After two shots of tequila, okay maybe three or four, your editor to the letter, I mean your ledit to the etter, I mean, your edetter to the letterer, it’s probably not going to get published.