An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

To Grandmother’s house we go

  • Henryk_

    Spoony, I guess we will never find out….huh??!!

  • Henryk_

    There is an echo in here!

  • Henryk_

    alas…..I am alone!

  • Jo


  • Henryk_

    a naughty night-shift nurse????? hehehehehe

  • Henryk_

    roos650…… DID you wet them sheets??

  • Henryk_

    …..Incontinence maybe?


    Now that we’ve established that… I also want to know how roos’ bedsheets got wet? Perhaps (s)he is a squirter?

  • Henryk_

    .and as Heather B. drives into the sunset, she thinks….”is that a fluffy Alto Cumulus I see before my eyes?”

  • Henryk_

    oh crap….its well after midnight over there!!(>1:20 am)

  • Henryk_

    well….where IS my night nurse???

  • roos650

    Someone passed your site on to me, I can’t remember if that was just before or after I stangled him. Anyway, I’ve been knocking around here for about an hour and I do find your writing fascinating. Although being at the end of the daily comments I do feel like I’m laying in the wet spot(s) Could we change the sheets?

  • Sarah M

    Your Comments. Out of control. 🙂

  • oh yes, spoonie, you’re my cu… can’t type it… too prescious….

    see you tomorrow!

  • Oooh, oooh only if she promises to pull my hair.

  • spoonie – haven’t read all the shit, but you are my hump-kelis-lover. so get over it. you’re mine. nurse bitch!! now do your rounds!

  • Geez, I’m gone for an hour and I come back to hair pulling, cum soaked nurse bitches. I miss all the kinky shit.

  • I’m your cum-soaked nurse bitch?! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! THANK YOU JESUS! I’m a naughty night-shift nurse.

    “Now do your rounds!”— BWAHAHAHA!

  • she found out that I can soak on command everything within a 6 foot radius, and suddenly the Camaro was no longer important. Priorities, babe, priorities.

    Nevermind that, your secret’s safe with me. Shhhh.

  • red light

  • Striz, you can beat me up and steal Spoon, all cavewoman style and shit. Just make sure you give me back the keys to the cuffs and chastity belt in the mornin’.

  • dont’ know if anyone has already said this, but…


  • How can you be married to BFE and _not_ have a camero?

    I only beat her up because I was secretly jealous that she got all the boyfriends first. Just don’t tell her I said that OK.

  • But I don’t drive a Camaro, Mrs. Strizz. And you know that I’m married to Bucky so you’ll have to beat her up and steal me from her, like you did to all of her high school boyfriends.

  • Spoon, I think I love you.

  • Yeah, what about the guy I dated in college nicknamed SQUIRT (and not because he was an scrawny child). I was like, all excited to get some CSBS action and then… a total disappointment. There was no SQUIRT, more like DRIP. Damn you and your super soaker boyfriends, Bucky.

  • You know, there used to be this product by Almay I think, it was like some sort of cleansing milk. Well they had this ad in magazines of a girl’s face being doused in the stuff, and she’s grinning from ear to ear with this creamy, milky substance splashing all over the place. My friend made a sign that read, “My boyfriend has never…” and placed it, along with the magazine ad, on the outside of her dormroom. At a Christian University. Yeah, we were rebels.

  • Susie, *obviously* you’ve never dated a man who nicknamed himself The Super Soaker.

  • Speechless Susie

    uh duh You got me there, Bucky. You know the kind of guys I like — flexible with goofy grins, but not a lotta liquid.

  • Susie

    OK, the CSBS hat ain’t bad, really; but judging from the pic, the CSBS lifestyle tends to age one prematurely. You know what bugs me about it, seriously (oh lord, listen to me talking about this seriously), it’s this: in order to be SOAKED, there has to be a LOT of uh, liquid deposited, one after another, before the first even gets to dry. Eeeeuw. Soaked. I mean, stained, yea, but soaked?

  • That is one semen drenched farm-shed prostitute.

  • Oh, trust me, Susie — us cum-soaked barn sluts have special hats:

    (no, I don’t know the people in the picture, but just think about all the cum soakin’ that’s about to go down)

  • Susie

    Now, tha’s what I’m talkin’ about — hats, songs, make it official. No offense to you, BFE, I just read that you are a CSBS from way back, and you know I love you, but I’m liking the Dooceketeer idea.

  • Speaking of Britney, a couple of years agoI was on my way into a Starbucks in Orlando and my husband said he thought he saw Britney Spears go by in a black SUV. I rolled my eyes and was like, yeah RIGHT Britney Spears in a strip mall in Flordia, give me a break.

    We were standing in line, I turned around and I was face to face with the Princess of Pop …. Of course my eyes went right to her boobs. When I managed to drag my eyes off of them I saw the 2 male, teenaged Starbucks workers were doing the same thing.

    That’s my Britney story.

  • Wowsers, I will be 24 in March, too!

    Congrats Heidi on your soon-to-be RN-ship. Come April you can be like me and surf dooce while you’re supposed to be working! Yay!

  • I bet it should be spelled Dooceketeer, since Mouseketeer is spelled with an ‘e’. Dooceketeer really does have an official sound to it. Like we are part of a special organization. We must come up with a song.

  • ————STREAKING!!———-

  • Susie

    Dooce would probably like Doocekateer, ’cause of the whole Britney Spears/Mousekateer connection . . .

    barn sluts just sounds so rural (yea, I’m trying to think up ANY reason to not refer to myself as a cum-soaked barn slut)

    Plus, Doocekateers could wear special hats; how often do you see your average cum-soaked barn slut in a special hat? Huh?

    Is it -kateer or -keteer?

  • Nice shot. I almost feel less queasy looking at it. Bad bologna, but no match for a pretty sky.

  • I was a cum-soaked barn slut before I came here, so I wouldn’t mind the continued moniker.

    Kinda thought “Doocekateer” had a nice ring, too (I *think* Dazed and Confuzed said that one).

  • Doocekateer. I wanna be Annette Funicello. She was the Mouseketeer with the big boobs.

  • Spoonleg – just checked out your blog – hilarious! Plus, you’re a 23 year old RN – me too! (In April I will be, anyway).

  • That is, in April I will be an RN. In March, I will be 24. Whip-de-frickin’doo I know.

  • Cum soaked barn sluts. Striz, you have such a way with words. Count me in as a barn slut.

    But what is wrong with the term Dooceling. In the words of a certain ass troll from Thursday, does calling ourselves Doocelings make us sycophants? I like the word Dooceling.

  • shelly

    tards, or barn sluts, soaked or not, are SO MUCH BETTER. thanks.

  • Althea

    Alan, thank you so much for not starting off the comments with the ever so clever question, “FIRST?”

  • “Dooce: Home of the dorks, e-tards, and cum-soaked barn sluts since 2001”


  • I prefer e-tards – has a cute twang to it.

  • I can think of no better nickname for dooce’s minions that cum soaked barn sluts. count me in!

    btw, I also dispise the term doocelings. It reminds me of goose/gosling or something. Maybe I’m just a ‘tard. Or as my old college roommate used to call me, a Re. That’s right, just re- (sans ‘tard).

  • Yes, Bellychaser!

    I love that line.I always catch myself singing it to my 3 year old. I have got to stop that, I think. God, I love words.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more