the smell of my desperation has become a stench

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the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Mastheads

dooce.com Masthead for October 24, 2001 by Heather B. Armstrong titled Scaring Small Children Since That Sudden Growth Spurt

October 24, 2001

dooce.com Masthead for October 17, 2001 by Heather B. Armstrong titled Move Over Bacon

October 17, 2001

dooce.com Masthead for October 8, 2001 by Heather B. Armstrong titled Urging to Herbal Since 1601

October 8, 2001

dooce.com Masthead for September 2001 by Heather B. Armstrong titled Bootylicious Since 1742

September 2001

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Shibari Mini Halo
$27.95
Anker USB-C 60W Charger
$54.99
Luxe Bidet Neo 120
$59.95
Soviet Space Graphics: Cosmic Visions from the USSR
$39.33

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One night last week the Spotify algorithm served u

One night last week the Spotify algorithm served up a song I’d never heard during my 1AM insomnia bath — stick with me. I promise. It gets so much worse from here.

CUTE DETAIL AHOY: Insomnia is one of the most common symptoms of peri menopause. Last week I didn’t sleep a wink three out of six nights. It’s horrifying, and this leads me to The Fuck Buttons.

Is this where I’m going? I’ve been known to!

I paused Spotify — OH! Brain fog is another fun thing about La Sorcière Périménopause. I didn’t add the song to my library.

Normally you’d listen to that song while high on enough cocaine to kill Jabba the Hutt, but I fell asleep in four seconds. An hour later I woke up and couldn’t find it on the mobile app.

YES, WRAPPING IT UP, FUNYUN: Took me an hour to find it on my desktop app. Couldn’t fall back asleep so I wrote an electronic opera in my head with that song playing in my ears.

An hour after that I texted @blurb and asked him for keyboard recommendations. One, for my my late night insomniac, menopausal voyages. Two, a certain someone regularly beatboxes with their head and mouth without knowing they are doing it.

Hooked up the keyboard a day ago. They walked up to it and this is what they did.

My instinct was right. Thank you, Jon and Mom, for helping me make this happen.

Also, the smile at the end is going to kill you so have enough money in the bank to pay for your funeral.

🎹🎶🥁

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