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the smell of my desperation has become a stench

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the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Big Cottonwood Canyon

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Above the mess

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On June 17th my primary care physician took 12 via

On June 17th my primary care physician took 12 vials of blood and ordered a pelvic ultrasound because of the symptoms I could no longer ignore in my physical body. The ultrasound showed nothing wrong. However, she discovered two dramatic abnormalities in my blood work and called me two weeks later. And she spoke to me in a very specific and delicate tone.

I’m willing to mention briefly that the marker for rheumatoid arthritis was off the charts. I’m being referred to a specialist. This could explain so much more than I ever thought.

The second I will talk about eventually. But not now. Not until I know more so that I know how to talk about it. And how to wrap my head around it.

I am in a lot of pain and it gets almost exponentially worse every day. I also know I’m not alone, and I welcome your stories. Just, please. Don’t try to diagnose me with something else or be a dick.

And why this photo? Somehow I caught the angle of the railing on the deck to look as if it is a decorative part of the lenses of my sunglasses. So you can’t see just how swollen my eyes are. Dramatic? No. Too real. ❤️

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