That van down there by the river

Hello, this is your captain speaking: the following is an administrative post to let you know that I have the very tip of my nose above water and that’s just about it. The rest of my body is frozen in a motionless state underneath the surface. Little fish are nipping at my fingers and toes, and normally I would be batting at them as if trying to fight off a shark. But I’m saving my energy for a seven-hour drive I have to take with my extended family.

Now that I wrote that sentence I’m looking at it and thinking that maybe if I sit really still and hold my breath that it will erase itself. No? It’s still there? What about now? Still? SHIT.

I’m headed to a family reunion in Wyoming this week, and, no offense to my family or anything, but I have to spend five days with my family.

Before I leave I have to see the doctor who prescribes all the medication for My Crazy (a family reunion in rural Wyoming is the last place I would want run out of anti-anxiety pills, edging out The Internet only by a hair), pack for both the kids, tie up one hundred thousand loose ends, visit with a dog trainer due to some lingering issues with the herding dog, and let you know that my friend Anna Beth (she who designed my living room and guest room) has added a Salt Lake City stop to her Dewit Design Camp.

She’ll be here the 22-23 of September, and at some point she’s going to let me get up and talk about what it was like for her to come into my house, take over like a drill sergeant and cause my gay assistant to perspire in a most uncomely fashion. Spaces fill up fast, so you should sign up real quick like.

In the meantime I’ll be posting here and there this week if I haven’t had a nervous breakdown. I’m not kidding at all whatsoever. If you don’t hear from me ever again I probably wandered off into the woods and got lost. On purpose.