guest post

While I am out of the country for the next few days my very good friend Sarah Brown will be your guest host. Sarah blogged at Que Sera Sera for over ten years but currently writes at her Tumblr, Damn Gina.

……

I am a 36 year old married woman, so every single person on the planet (except for my parents because they’re awesome) has no qualms about asking me when I’m going to have children, or brazenly volunteering their advice about whether or not I should. I mean, the maintenance guy at work definitely thinks I should, because “babies are so cute” and I am “definitely getting older every year.” But one time a total stranger on the internet sent me a message saying they hoped I never had kids because I “seemed really cool.” That made me want to have one just out of spite. I’ll show you who’s not cool! Oh wait, now I have to pay for braces and college.

Since I get annoyed by other people’s remarks about my personal life choices, I thought I’d share my pro and con list here, on the internet, where no one ever has an opinion.

I’m not going to lie: for a long time, the only thing in the pro column was “it would probably have amazing hair.”

Reasons to Have Kids:

– they might be cute
– if they’re not cute, you can’t tell because biology makes sure you find your own child cute so you don’t abandon it on a rock or something
– kind of like how everyone’s house has a smell but you can never know what your own house’s smell is and you worry a lot as a teenager that maybe it’s gross
– okay, back on track
– for awhile they let you cuddle them
– I would like to one day have grandchildren
– I wonder what my genes combined with my husband’s genes would look like
– my parents would be amazing grandparents
– I’m good at naming things
– good excuse to buy my favorite childhood books again
– when they’re little and they cry you can play them like a theremin
– one day they might avenge me
– baby bellies

Editor’s note: also? This:

Reasons Not to Have Kids:

– $$$
– I really like sleep
– I haven’t traveled enough yet
– I am not interested in breaking my daily ibuprofen habit
– pregnancy
– childbirth
– other parents
– what if they’re really boring
– what if they don’t want to read, ever
– what if they find a spider and bring it inside and try to show it to me
– what if the kid wants to be on television and it’s not just a passing phase, they talk about it their entire childhood and then at 18 they get headshots and move to California and live in their car and I’m supposed to pretend to be supportive of this bullshit?
– overpopulation
– sexting