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The Great Pants Disaster 2001™

When two lanky people with a collective inseam of over 144 inches decide against everyone else’s better judgment to cohabitate, they must allocate a large percentage of their daily schedule to battling the inevitable pants plague: pants on the floor, pants on the nightstand, pants strewn about the kitchen table, pants discarded and forgotten peeking [...]


My doctor said I have veins perfect for heroin injection. Isn’t that, like, illegal or something?


Knife in the Water: Red River



How to Charm Me

Resist the urge to giggle when I slam my forehead into the dresser and temporarily blackout.

How to Annoy Me

Tell me to stop drinking so much caffeine. You’re my primary care physician, what do you know?


At what point did you think making a left turn from the far right lane was a good idea?

Cold Feet

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Dooce is wearing wool socks and a fleece-lined beanie hat. Los Angeles may never know temperatures below 60 degrees Fahrenheit, but the American Holiday Season demands that I spend a significant number of my vacation days in climates directly suited for 400-pound polar bears. Three years ago [...]


Antarctica: 81 03


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