PowerPoint Me to the Nearest Sledgehammer
You’ve got to be kidding right? You can’t just hand me a 17-slide PowerPoint document and expect me to “make it look good.” You may as well gorge out my eyes with burning sabers of methane gas and ceremoniously sacrifice my body over an open barbecue pit in the name of good taste. No amount [...]
Thinking
I’m certain Hell is just one big everlasting beveled drop shadow.
Reading
Housewife Charged In Sex- For- Security Scam
How to Charm Me
Climb onto my lap, sniff my ears, circle around until you’re dizzy, and then rest your wet puppy nose on my knee, as if you really were a puppy instead of a 185 pound grown man.
How to Annoy Me
Strategically sprinkle tiny plastic leftover Halloween spiders in corners of the apartment so that every 10 minutes I have a heart attack.
