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Dismemberment Plan: Change


The Bird Machine

How to Charm Me

When describing your esophagus, refer to it as your “sarcophagus” because you don’t know any better.

How to Annoy Me

Try to tell me what a girl wants. Not only are you not a girl, but you’re not even Christina Aguilera.

Dinner With Friends and Butter

According to my father a woman is not a woman unless she knows how to cook. And up until recently I’ve been certifiably un-woman. With smallish boobs, a boyish haircut normally worn by members of little league, and culinary experience amounting to several successful bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats, I could easily pass for a [...]


The world simply needs more Britney. I know I do.


Clinic: Internal Wrangler


Aesthetic Apparatus

How to Annoy Me

Two seconds after I point out the flab on my ass, suggest that we have brownies for breakfast.


Launch Diner