Dismemberment Plan: Change
The Bird Machine
When describing your esophagus, refer to it as your “sarcophagus” because you don’t know any better.
Try to tell me what a girl wants. Not only are you not a girl, but you’re not even Christina Aguilera.
According to my father a woman is not a woman unless she knows how to cook. And up until recently I’ve been certifiably un-woman. With smallish boobs, a boyish haircut normally worn by members of little league, and culinary experience amounting to several successful bowls of Frosted Mini Wheats, I could easily pass for a [...]
The world simply needs more Britney. I know I do.
Clinic: Internal Wrangler
Two seconds after I point out the flab on my ass, suggest that we have brownies for breakfast.