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How to Charm Me

Tell your mother that you learned how to belch from Aunt Heather.

How to Annoy Me

Assume that I give one flying fuck about Dungeons and Dragons, you sad little dork.

Avon Calling

I just got off the phone with my mother, who while talking to me on her cell phone was simultaneously driving her Avon mini-van and screaming, “Cut it out!” at my nieces in the back seat. No doubt one or both of my nieces were pulling hair or kicking tugging shrieking, “I’m gonna tell on [...]


Mercury Rev: Deserter’s Songs

How to Charm Me

Heckle every trailer before the feature presentation, pissing off every “serious actor” in the audience, which turned out to be 98% of the audience.

How to Annoy Me

Shake those Christmas presents I just put under the tree. Don’t be crying when I slap your hands.

December 17, 2001


My best friend Kathy, the one from Valdosta, Georgia — she bought a Ford Explorer cause its big and she’s just a slip of a thing — is driving my car (not a Ford Explorer, alas, but don’t take that to mean I’m a slab of a thing, no siree). I’m sitting in the passenger [...]


Pink Martini: Sympathique