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Evolution of the Mormon Cusser

When I was eight years old and lanky with huge square teeth I used to spend hours at a neighbor’s house indulging in every contraband known to a child reared in a Mormon household: MTV, Nintendo, re-runs of “Three’s Company,” and endless experiments with flammable bodily excretions, to name just a few. The first time [...]


Could someone please tell Britney that she shouldn’t appear fully clothed in public? I’m hurting over here.


Starlight Mints: Dream That Stuff Was Made Of



How to Charm Me

Imitate Rachel Ashwell from “Shabby Chic” pleading with her assistant, “Shall I fuck you rotten? Right here alongside this rustic chimney cabinet?”

How to Annoy Me

Hold an awards show for popular American music and actually give out awards. For what?