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Qualifying for Pacific Northwestern Citizenship

Now, I know I’m supposed to be talking about the trip and giving details about how beautiful it is in Seattle and all that sort of thing. And I’ll go ahead and do that, I’ll let you know that Seattle is absolutely breathtaking, especially in sunlight. I’ve been here four times and this is the [...]

I Didn’t Know They Had Sunshine in Seattle

Friday morning after spending the equivalent of an unemployment check on new music at Amoeba, we slowly took off toward Oregon along the Pacific Coast Highway. A roadsign right outside San Francisco said “Fort Bragg 155 miles.” Seven hours later we passed a sign that said “Fort Bragg 45 miles,” and although we’d decided we [...]

A Brief Respite in San Francisco

So we’re here in the anti-LA, stayed the night with some friends in the Richmond near Golden Gate Park, and it’s wet outside, which my skin totally loves but my hair is totally angry, and it’s revolting in large brillo patches. We were supposed to leave early this morning and head up to who-knows-where in [...]

Leaving Los Angeles

So Chuck is sitting in front of the living room window, the only place in the apartment not covered by a box or a huge nugget of dust, and that perma-worry wrinkle on his forehead has grown the size of the continental divide, and he’s like, what the fuck are you people doing? And I’ve [...]

Just a Few of the Very Important Things I Learned While Living in Los Angeles

- There are two types of orgasms: wasabi orgasms and warm French fry orgasms. While there may be several sub categories, like the Double Quarter Pounder with cheese Supersized� orgasm, they all fall under those two types. – White girls should wear sunscreen. (“White Girls Should Wear Sunscreen” is going to be the first single [...]

Certifiably Not Nice, Just Plain Mean

Certifiably Not Nice, Just Plain Mean

Some of the Celebrities other than Shannon Elizabeth and Giovani Ribisi I have Encountered While Living in Los Angeles

Note: Jon and I will be leaving Southern California on Friday, so pardon the next few posts while I reminisce about living in this big, bad, botox-laden Promised Land. Calista Flockhart on San Vicente Blvd in Brentwood pushing her son in a stroller. She’s extraordinarily and not surprisingly tiny, yet she can push a stroller [...]

November 18, 2002

Because a Set of Highlights From a Certified Professional Costs $140

I used to date a guy who in a previous life was an unknown Greek philosopher. Although that may sound fascinating, and it was for 30 seconds, I’m here to testify that one rhetorical genius in a relationship is too many. He was very good at thinking, but had a very difficult time doing, especially [...]

Here in the Three Two Three

Jon and I spent the entire day yesterday helping our neighbors move their two-bedroom apartment into a storage space, a storage space on the second floor of a winding storage building with elevators operational only with 10 digit access codes. What we thought was going to be a two-hour rush of heavy wooden objects and [...]