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Collecting Unemployment

I lost my job today. My direct boss and the human resources representative pulled me into one of three relatively tiny conference rooms and informed me that The Company no longer had any use for me. Essentially, they explained, they didn’t like what I had expressed on my website. I got fired because of dooce.com. [...]

Things I Don’t Necessarily Need to Know

I don’t need to know that five people in the last four years have been paralyzed while snowboarding down the same hill on which I am going to learn how to snowboard. Why did you tell me this? Will this information help me learn how to navigate a slippery slab down a slippery slope in [...]

Thinking

Clinical studies have shown that 7 grams of Metamucil tastes like absolute shit.

Listening

The Januaries: Januaries

Reading

Kenneth Cole is a Whore

Enjoying

Daniel Adel Illustration

Feeling Guilty

For wishing that those perky Canadian ice skaters would just go away already.

How to Charm Me

Admit that you watch C-SPAN voluntarily.

How to Annoy Me

Manufacture your clothing so small that I can’t fit an XXL over my shoulders. That’s me screaming in the dressing room.

February 25, 2002