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How to Annoy Me

Charge me $4.50 for a cup of coffee and then tell me to put my own soy milk in it. For $4.50 you’d better be wiping my ass.

How to Charm Me

Frogive me for still knowing every word to that Jodi Watley song.




The dullest blog in the world

Feeling Guilty

For telling that 4-yr old boy at the playground that he was being a total fucking turd. Well, he was.


I really hope my dog gets me flowers for Mother’s Day.

Weekend Plans

This weekend we’re going to buy this lawnmower so that we can attend to the 2-foot high wall of grass about to swallow the house. This morning I lost Chuck in the jungle lining the back fence. I swear I could hear Jeff Probst playing congo drums inside my garage. Then we’re going to Purchase [...]