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August 2003

Feeling Guilty

For doing a Google search on “fat Christina Aguilera” and posting a link to this site. I am a terrible, terrible person.

Pregnancy Update Whether You Wanted One Or Not

I have kindly spared you the gory details of my pregnancy for almost five whole posts, and I thought I could go a little longer, maybe one or two more paragraphs, tops, but the urge is just too overwhelming and I can’t wait one more second to scream in all caps with an exclamation point [...]

How to Annoy Me

Ask me if my vagina has a monologue.

How to Charm Me

Warn me about the dangers of “fecal alcohol poisoning.”

Classmates

Since my 10 year high school reunion is in less than two months I’ve been receiving weekly email reminders from Classmates.com concerning registration fees and schedules and screaming, all-caps warnings to be careful not to MISS OUT ON ALL THE FUN! The president of my graduating class, who was president all four years of high [...]

Enjoying

Ami Barwell, Music Photographer

How to Annoy Me

During a confessional on a reality TV show use the words “connect” and “on so many levels” anywhere in the same paragraph.

How to Charm Me

Love me so much that you’re willing to wash your feet before you come to bed, because you know that at that moment, washing your feet is the ONLY THING IN THE WORLD that will make me feel better.

Feeling Guilty

For being only 14 weeks into this pregnancy and already being able to out-eat my 6’3” tall husband by about 4,000 calories per day.