So I’m standing on the eliptical trainer at the gym this morning fighting the urge to take my heart rate above 140 beats per minute, a level I think is wholly ludicrous given that my heart rate can jump to 170 at the mere mention of Britney, but the doctor says that if I’m going [...]
My belly at 20 weeks:
Beulah: When Your Heartstrings Break
I know I’m supposed to feel pregnant and sexy, but right now all I feel is pregnant and water retention efficient.
Let me use your torso as a body pillow.
Try to kiss me while I’m sitting on the toilet. I know it may surprise you, but I DO have boundaries.
For blaming Little Debbie for my 10 pounds in 4 weeks weight gain, that fucking bitch.
In less than two weeks Jon and I find out whether we’re having a boy or a girl, or God forbid one of each or two of one. I think my fears of giving birth to multiple babies may be a little more profound than the average pregnant woman, as twins run rampant in both [...]
The all caps, completely insane comments being left every day at Blurbomat on the whore pages of Christina Aguilera and Paris Hilton.
While organizing our digital photo library last week — a collection of over 4,000 photos taken since Jon and I have been together — I was reminded of what a terrible year in hair I’ve had. I don’t remember a more terrible year in hair, not even when my mom cut it all off in [...]