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How to Annoy Me

Wait until I lie down to take a nap before you start chewing on that bone EVER. SO. LOUDLY.

When? When? When?

No, I haven’t given birth to this baby yet, but if you could call my house and ask me about it, like every member of my immediate family and every member of my extended family, all 87 of them, that might make me feel more adequate because at this point I’m obviously doing something wrong. [...]