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39 Weeks, Photo Collection: I Don’t Think You’re Ready for this Belly

This week’s photo collection is the one in which I’ve gathered all the photos of all the bellies going all the way back to when I started taking pictures of it in August. I have officially decided that this will be the last week I take a picture of the belly because I’m not going [...]

Enjoying

“Law and Order” coloring book

Feeling Guilty

For wanting to bathe in bacon grease.

How to Charm Me

Have a dream about my belly being covered entirely by a tattoo of a “17th century painting of an English farm with some animals in the yard and a great barley field around it.” That’s the BEST dream about my belly EVER, and I don’t even know you.

Strategies for Indoocement

Last night I had a dream that Al Roker was demonstrating proper breastfeeding techniques to me and a room full of 18 other pregnant women. He had gigantic nipples and was handling them with an almost unlawful carelessness, just swinging them around and pinching them and mooshing them like little red meat patties. He made [...]

How to Annoy Me

Smear your wet puppy nose on the door of the stainless steel refrigerator ONE. MORE. TIME.

Thinking

Someone should probably warn my baby that I suffer from chronic Squeezing of the Cute Infant Butt Syndrome.

Pepper

On Friday night my brother’s three year old black lab was struck and killed by a car. Her name was Pepper and she was the sweetest dog that ever lived. I’m not quite sure how to articulate how profoundly devastating this is to me, and I’ve spent the last three days trying to think of [...]

Reading

Talk about dishonorable discharge!

Enjoying

The Notorious F.A.T. Releases New Video