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Feeling Guilty

For putting a pair of pants on my kid’s head and pretending she was a Native American Chief. What else are we going to do in the afternoon?

How to Charm Me

Make a humming noise while you eat your feet because feet are, like, so delicious.

How to Annoy Me

Let words come out of Bob Costas’ mouth. The world should just end. Right now.

My 17 Pound, 28 Inch Tall Gagmeister

Yesterday morning I took Leta to get her six-month immunizations, her third round of torture, her third dance with potentially lethal diseases. During her second month and fourth month procedures she cried for all of four seconds each time, but yesterday she BAWLED open-mouthed, pausing between screams with a silence that made each subsequent scream [...]