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That’s the distance you’d have to move your pinky in order to not sound like an idiot.

Feeling Guilty

For putting a pair of pants on my kid’s head and pretending she was a Native American Chief. What else are we going to do in the afternoon?

How to Charm Me

Make a humming noise while you eat your feet because feet are, like, so delicious.

How to Annoy Me

Let words come out of Bob Costas’ mouth. The world should just end. Right now.

My 17 Pound, 28 Inch Tall Gagmeister

Yesterday morning I took Leta to get her six-month immunizations, her third round of torture, her third dance with potentially lethal diseases. During her second month and fourth month procedures she cried for all of four seconds each time, but yesterday she BAWLED open-mouthed, pausing between screams with a silence that made each subsequent scream [...]

Taking it to the Next Level On My Plate Down the Pike on the Spreadsheet

This is my cousin George. He has facial hair:


At the beginning of next month I am going to have to move this website over to a new hosting provider because the current company hosting this website charges a lot of money for the amount of bandwidth I need every month. I have tried to negotiate some give and take with these guys but [...]


Happiness is bra shopping of the non-nursing bra variety. Lace! Silk! Straps smaller than the width of a six-lane freeway!

Side Effects May Include Miscommunication

Yesterday Jon returned to work after several days of government-sanctioned Family Leave to watch over me as I tried a new round of hard core, side effect laden drugs. I’m not going to be specific about which drugs I have tried or the ones I am in the middle of trying because I would inevitably [...]


Here’s the thing with the doocing.