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Happy Third Anniversary to Us

Duchess Cymbalta, before your execution, you will join me at a ceremony that will make this battle station operational

Last week I was talking to a friend about what a nightmare it is to try and find the right depression medication. He suffers from the disease as well and has seen his fair share of pharmaceuticals whose names sound like characters in online role-playing games involving civilizations on other planets. “Captain Klonopin requires your [...]

Status on Chuck’s mission to roast himself to death in the sun: Nearing completion

Saturday is a special day, it’s the day we get ready for Sunday

On Saturday morning I noticed Chuck dragging his butt along the concrete on the sidewalk. This means he needs to have his anal glands squeezed again, by someone other than me or anyone related to me, so that he doesn’t accidentally burn a hole in the couch or God forbid my leg. Jon doesn’t even [...]

If only this were bourbon

Taken with our old Nikon Coolpix 990 which feels like a disposable camera after using the D70 for over a year.

Another one to tell the grandkids about

I just got this email from my cousin, GEORGE!: “You realize that you are the number 11, and I am the number 13 on the list of sites that come up when people search for ‘sex kitchen girl’ on Yahoo. Your mother would be PROUD.” My first reaction is: 11? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? [...]

Sinus invasion

For the past several days I have been a virtual prisoner in my own home at the hands of alien spores that have rooted themselves inside my daughter’s nasal passageways. I can’t even use the bathroom without having her sit on my lap because otherwise the aliens emit such discordant heartache that the pee is [...]

Before he discovered Ayn Rand and became an unbearable ass

Cautionary photo: Valedictorian and severely anal retentive high-schooler in the making

These were all of my sixth grade projects from just the first semester of the school year: leaf collection, functioning windmill, volcano, miniature replica of the Parthenon, and a pyramid. Do you remember that part in A Clockwork Orange when the doctor comes up to Alex after they’ve deprogrammed him and he shows him a [...]

Thinking

I just re-read the post I wrote last night before going to bed and all I have to say about it is HUSBANDS SHOULD NOT LET THEIR WIVES BLOG DRUNK.