Feeling Guilty

For hoping that this baby doesn’t decide to make her entrance into the world during the season premiere of “Survivor.” She needs to get her priorities straight early.

Feeling Guilty

For feeding my dog Pop Rocks.

Feeling Guilty

For mistaking a gigantic grape jelly stain on my belly for a gigantic stretch mark, TWICE in one afternoon.

Feeling Guilty

For telling my five year old nephew that Santa Claus is a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist.

Feeling Guilty

For willingly participating in Chocogasm 2003: chocolate brownie, chocolate pudding, peanut M&M’s. All in one bowl. Eaten in less than three minutes, after 11pm.

Feeling Guilty

For buying a vacuum sealed package of underwear at Costco.

Feeling Guilty

For successfully convincing several of the more gullible members of my family that we plan on naming our baby girl Larry.

Feeling Guilty

For the pan of brownies, the plate of chocolate chip cookies, and the pound of banana pudding I thought it necessary to cook in one night.

Feeling Guilty

For thinking impure thoughts when I first saw the packaging for these portable puddings.

Feeling Guilty

For laughing uncontrollably when the 80 lb dog gets stuck underneath the bed, for the sixth time in two hours.