My friend Sarah expounds further on her kryptonite: “This scent made my house smell like I was richer and less worried than I am, which is not at all and very. Of course then they discontinued it.”
“I guarantee you she has been playing this role since Amy T. locked herself in the bathroom at Amy J.’s slumber party in fourth grade. That’s when she learned what got her off, and she has been seeking it out like a junkie every since.”
Allow Sarah to be a cranky person on the internet and share her personal least favorite words and phrases.
“We are unwinding from stressful weeks by hooting when someone with a spray tan and a squared-off French manicure says she needs one dress for the ceremony and another for the reception.”
“There are separate books for tableware, lighting, bath, linens, and small spaces, which are great if you’re decorating your pied-à-terre in Buenos Aires or Antwerp, and who among us isn’t.”
If only she had written this before Marlo was born. So many of these fit her personality. In particular: Bonk.
“First non-animated movie I saw in a theater without having to be removed from the theater for screaming because my parents somehow thought Raiders of the Lost Ark was about Noah…”
“Perfumes, soaps, scented body washes, room sprays, candles, laundry detergents: they are my kryptonite. I know everyone likes to smell good, but I expect a little more than just good.”
“My zeal for people poking fun of their former teenage selves knows no bounds.”
“I played with dolls as a child for the same reason I played the Sims as an adult: sex, death, and elaborate floor plans.”