A Long, Rambling, Nearly Incoherent Description of My Night with Norah Jones

Last night Jon and I attended the Norah Jones concert at a venue called Red Butte Garden, a open field on the side of a mountain overlooking the Salt Lake valley. Seating at Red Butte is general admission, meaning you sit wherever you can find a patch of grass to park your ass, and you [...]

Happy and Okay

Today is the first day in over a week that I have been able to walk around and perform normal human procedures without wanting to puke my spleen through my nose, and you’d think I had taken several shots of ecstasy what with the smile on my face and lilt in my step. I’d forgotten [...]

Wonder Woman

So I’m standing there in the kitchen totally craving something sweet after a lunch of leftover spaghetti (which didn’t even make a dent in the amount still left in the gigantic Pyrex container in the fridge — I’m fully incapable of making pasta for two people, or for five or ten; it always comes out [...]

In The Mood for Food

Over the weekend Jon and I attended a relatively small barbecue at a friend’s house with about 12 other adults and as many children. Right before we ate all the children walked around to the adults and handed out handwritten food and drink menus: The spieshl stek was indeed very spieshl, and although I’ve been [...]

The Sacrifices I Make For That Dog

Yesterday I took Chuck on our daily trip to the local dog park, a sprawling field in the middle of the city covered in sickly patches of grass and gurgling flows of mud that resemble stomach fluid more than anything muddy. It’s become his favorite place on earth, second only to the bed in the [...]

Jon’s Wife

So this telemarketer from Sears just called and asked for Jon. And since I knew immediately that it was a telemarketer I told her no, he wasn’t here, but if she’d like to leave her name and home telephone number, I’m sure he’d love to call her back at an inconvenient time. And I don’t [...]

My Favrit Nabors

I’m not ashamed to admit that I don’t like kids, or at least most kids. Most kids are abrasive and annoying and should be treated like a fungus. I have no problem with babies because babies at least smell good. This might seem like a huge problem considering that my husband and I are actively [...]

Look on the Bright Side, At Least You’ve Got Content

I’m really just about up to here with people who tell me, “Look at it this way, at least you can write about it on your website!” and then smile as if they’ve made it all better. It seems that as long as I have a website, I can’t really have a bad day, because [...]

Ramblings on Skating

So Jon and I accompanied three of my nieces and nephews to Classic Skating the other night, and maybe it’s because I haven’t been skating in over 15 years, or maybe it’s because people in Utah feed their kids Malt O’Meal at every meal, but I don’t remember kids being so small. At least I [...]

Put Up a Parking Lot

So I’m lying there on this table, except it isn’t a table but more like the hybrid offspring of a dentist’s chair and a psychiatrist’s couch, very cold and covered in butcher paper (which is appropriate on so many levels), and I’m thinking that this lady is doing a disproportionately large amount of talking to [...]