An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


I so wasn’t kidding when I said that I needed to know how to do this to be even marginally accepted as a resident of Utah.

May 21, 2003


Kirsten Ulve


The Januaries: “The Girl’s Insane”

How to Charm Me

Start speaking with a hint of a British accent just because we’re probably watching WAY too much BBC America.

Feeling Guilty

For telling that dog owner that if he wasn’t going to do it, then I was going to strap his dog down and wrap a rubber band around its balls. Dogs should be fixed, yes, but I need to learn some restraint.


For a second there I thought I put the new cordless phone into the warshing machine with all the towels, and all I could think was, how am I going to convince my husband that it’s the dog’s fault the phone doesn’t work?

How to Annoy Me

Lick your index finger and then use it to wipe something off my face. Ohmigod, Mom, we’re in public, for crying out loud!