the smell of my desperation has become a stench

17 Weeks, Photo Collection: Utah’s Hogle Zoo

This week’s photo collection comes to you a tad bit late, only because I have a full time job as a Pregnant Woman, and the hours are killing me.

Last Friday morning I accompanied three of my lovely neighbors and their children to Utah’s Hogle Zoo. When I told my husband what I was doing, he responded exactly the same way that my neighbors did by saying, “Are you completely insane?” I’ll admit that I was initially hesitant to spend several hours with four small boys all under the age of three walking around a concrete structure that smells of elephant poop, but I figured I might as well get used to the screaming chaos that will be my household come January 2004 when the speeding train that is diapers and breast pumps and endless, sleepless nights comes crashing into my yet to be child-proofed living room.

The outing was actually rather pleasant, and the only major crises involved some sunburns, a few accidental “fucks” and “holy shits” in front of the boys, and one of my neighbors encouraging another neighbor’s three-year-old to take up violence on his younger brother. I was also able to say on several occasions, “My kid will never do that,” either during or directly after one of their kids did something wrong or horribly annoying. There is no quicker way to irritate someone who has kids, and frankly, there is nothing more enjoyable.

Launch Utah’s Hogle Zoo.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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