the smell of my desperation has become a stench


  • d

    2004/09/17 at 5:40 am

    Adorable…simply adorable.
    Dogs are the BEST models!

  • sab

    2004/09/17 at 5:40 am

    aww she’s cute! by the way, the story about “C”, was frickin’ hilarious. I never laughed so hard while online, not even at an email.

  • Shannon

    2004/09/17 at 5:41 am

    oh my, that’s so cute!

  • BibblyBobbly

    2004/09/17 at 5:42 am

    Awwww. Cute. My fiance’s desperate for a pug. But as we’re temporarily living with his parents and his Mum (Yes, I’m british, so I say Mum) says no, we have to wait.

  • christa

    2004/09/17 at 5:50 am

    isabelle looks like she doesn’t take crap from anyone. i’m sure my dog would get on her last nerve. and i have to agree with sab about the “c” story. i read it to my roommate and we died laughing.

  • AlbionJessica

    2004/09/17 at 5:51 am

    My grandpa got a pug a few years ago, and I swear they look exactly alike. Same wrinkley faces, same expressions. The only difference is that Duke (the dog) snorts out copious amounts of doggy snot all the time.

    My advice for anyone wanting to own a pug: Stock up on paper towels and Windex.

  • angel

    2004/09/17 at 5:51 am

    Hmmm, I appear to be the only person who thinks the dog is hideous. The picture is good, as always, though.

  • beerzie yoink

    2004/09/17 at 6:03 am

    Nice smile.

  • flora

    2004/09/17 at 6:05 am

    yes, hideous. but that’s the entire point of their charm. they’re so ugly you have to love them!! that one is cute though, showing her teeth like my dog does. my dog will then bite people on the nose, but i think she thinks she’s giving kisses, it’s hilarious.

  • Tim

    2004/09/17 at 6:14 am

    The Former Congressman is much cuter! That C story has caused me to startle my co-workers with laughing….

  • Matt Ambrose

    2004/09/17 at 6:20 am

    Pugs are the second cutest breed of dog ever. I can’t resist pulling on those curly tails. Only Boston Terriers are cuter.

  • megchem

    2004/09/17 at 6:21 am

    angel, you aren’t the only one….that dog is way ugly…and dooce i agree with you…airplane poopers have ISH….

  • kelly

    2004/09/17 at 6:31 am

    im a dog lover, and i agree that this dog is tremendously ugly.

  • Weez

    2004/09/17 at 6:42 am

    Yes, thanks Heather. The C story made me laugh so hard I spewed my coffee all over my keyboard & desk. Note to self: swallow coffee before reading dooce.

  • lara

    2004/09/17 at 6:50 am

    Of course, I do prefer a fluffy little puppy. I don’t know why I also just adore cranky old yuck dogs. I love your rotting teeth, you scary pug! I will kiss that wrinkle between your glowing devil eyes, and you will bite my nose.

    It will be great.

    Thanks, photo/poop lady.

  • lawa

    2004/09/17 at 6:54 am

    pugs are so adorable, i must agree that it’s the distortion of their faces that make them so cute!

    story of C is freaking hilarious! i type this as i snort and giggle in the corner staring at my laptop…thanks!

  • Shelly

    2004/09/17 at 7:01 am

    OMG … I just spit coffee on the monitor AGAIN! I so feel for C., but I can’t stop laughing. Oh, it hurts. The laughter really hurts.

  • Andrea

    2004/09/17 at 7:03 am

    OMG I went through just about the same exact thing as C. when I was in my 8th month of pregnancy at a shipyard I worked at in southern California. The only god awful difference was that I caught myself just before I passed out and got someone to call an ambulance for me. So there I was being hauled out of there in front of all to see with my underwear still wrapped around my ankles and the big bad MF turd in mid-progress where it just stopped to look around before taking the ‘plunge’. I saw many faces looking at me in the ambulance crinkling up their faces looking at me wondering what the hell happened. Yeah, try going back to work the next day…

  • Regan

    2004/09/17 at 7:03 am

    “you lookin’ at me? you lookin’ at ME??”

    that is the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen. so ugly that she’s cute. does that make sense?

  • ksea

    2004/09/17 at 7:09 am

    I would laugh all the time if that dog were around.

  • m

    2004/09/17 at 7:10 am

    The dog is darling. And regarding C’s story: surely, if a coworker had walked in and seen someone PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR, they would have taken action. Unless C works in the meanest office in the world. I think the fact that he came to alone pretty much guarantees that his incident was without witnesses.

  • Rabooka

    2004/09/17 at 7:18 am

    Yup! So ugly they are cute. I have 2 pugs myself (Missy & Spike) and I am amazed Isabelle sat still long enough for you to take this picture. My dogs see the camera and run to eat it. The best time to take pictures is when they are sleeping (very Cute).

  • kara

    2004/09/17 at 7:19 am

    Does this dog remind anyone else of Lucille Ball in her later years?

  • Laura

    2004/09/17 at 7:21 am

    Isabelle says “Go ahead…make my day.” I yearn for a cute, tiny dog.

  • Mish

    2004/09/17 at 7:22 am

    I love dog feet and their bottom teeth – all of which are visible here so A+. Anybody else find that dog feet tend to smell like Frito’s?

  • Melissa

    2004/09/17 at 7:25 am

    Adorable picture- I love pugs!

    Amen to the travel poop… when I was younger, I went to Europe for a month. I got sick the first few days, and then did not poop for 3 weeks. My mother just about fainted when I finally told her at the end of the trip, and I had an epic battle with the toilet when I returned. Thanks for the stories- you always make me laugh!

  • maxigumee

    2004/09/17 at 7:30 am

    Pugs are SO CUTE!!! They’re so fat an ugly! –And cute!

  • Chanelbaby

    2004/09/17 at 7:41 am

    I can’t decide if I absolutely love pugs and think they’re cute, or if I think they look like big mean rats. I think I want a shar-pei.

  • maryse

    2004/09/17 at 7:48 am

    oh man … poor C.

  • Rabooka

    2004/09/17 at 7:52 am

    My pugs feet smell like fritos too!

  • G~

    2004/09/17 at 7:55 am

    Poor C. I can’t say I ever had that ‘bathroom at work’ experience, but big-scary-poop?? yes, been there, done that.

    When you post about poop, I am rigtht there with you. *sigh*

    That is indeed one ugly dog….kinda makes me think of what those big scary poops must look like…*shudder*

  • cgirl

    2004/09/17 at 7:58 am

    like the pug; ya ya, poop story; ha ha, but did anyone notice that Heather’s cousin must be a long lost Osmond brother?

  • Cora's Mommy

    2004/09/17 at 7:59 am

    I love those dogs…
    Can I please share my constipation story? I was 9 weeks preggo and I was severly stopped up. I was already “showing” and so proud of it. While visiting my mother, I wake up with horrible poop pains. I thought for sure I was getting the stomach flu. I kept getting these waves of pains, similar to contractions. I never pooped though, just threw up. Finally after hours of these ‘contractions’, I had an explosive poop. (sorry to gross you out) I ended up having bleeding come out of you-know-where. Went to the emergency room! They said I was just really clogged up and knocked an internal hemorrhoid loose. You know, after all that, I wasn’t “showing” anymore. All the times people were rubbing my belly, they weren’t rubbing the growing baby, they were massaging my stuffed to the gills intestine! Yuck!

  • Lindsey

    2004/09/17 at 8:31 am

    Oooh she looks ‘ruff’ (shit that was bad, sorry) I mean ‘tough’ 🙂

  • glynnis

    2004/09/17 at 9:00 am

    Pugs scare the crap out of me. My friend Carolyn has two of them, named Kiwi and Raisin (their names only add to their creepiness…) and both of them sound as if they’re suffering from emphysema. They follow you around the house, making these horrible horror movie noises, and if you’re barefoot they’ll stick their tongues in between your toes. The fact that they’re so prone to their eyes falling out of their sockets (from running into doorframes, etc.) doesn’t help much either.

    Bleeueh. Creepy.

  • jennie

    2004/09/17 at 9:22 am

    I love this puppy. I am in search for one now and I can’t find any. Sad. But I love this website, I nearly peed my pants at my desk today reading that story about “C”, Poor C.

  • Wendy

    2004/09/17 at 9:39 am

    The pic of Isabelle make me laugh out loud. I lova all dogs, but little ones just make me laugh out loud when I see them.

    I have a similar C. story, but instead of passing out and cutting my head, I “pushed” so hard I blew a blood vessel in my eye. That one was just plain hard to explain for the month it took to heal.

  • Aimee

    2004/09/17 at 9:59 am

    Heather – these people must love you. This dog is not “aw, so cute” Perhaps, “So ugly she’s cute” is better.

    I suppose I just prefer Chuckles’ sleek nose.

  • Annie

    2004/09/17 at 10:00 am

    Maybe it’s the uniformly gray face, or the big black pop eyes, but something about this dog screams Area 51 to me. She looks like she wants to dominate the earth, don’t you think?

    Love your new site!

  • Kimberley

    2004/09/17 at 10:02 am

    I am a student librarian, at the Library where I GO TO SCHOOL. In a free moment, I decided to see what my dear Dooce had written. I was at the home page, where you have your title in RED LETTERS, when the head librarian, my boss, walks up behind my desk.
    “Good times!” she says casually, pats my back, and walks away.

  • Aimee

    2004/09/17 at 10:02 am

    hahaha – comment 22 – Rabooka.
    What is it with pugs and eating stuff? My friend’s pug (Tugboat!) ate my paper napkin. His best claim to fame was eating the neighbors’ baggie of pot. 🙂

  • Bekah

    2004/09/17 at 10:04 am

    I couldn’t help but think while reading the story of C that his bare butt must’ve been in need of some toilet paper, after the “Big Bad Motherfucking Poop”, did he have time to clean up his rear end before passing out?

  • Frilly

    2004/09/17 at 10:15 am

    Isabelle ain’t so belle. Does she have a great personality?

    Aparently not, from the pissed off look on her face.

  • cursingmama

    2004/09/17 at 10:51 am

    Isn’t she just the cutest! If it wasn’t for the pooping (who needs more pooping), I’d run out right now and get me one of these gems and call her Minnie. Of course Jack & Benny are so big they’d probobly gang up on her and have her for dinner.

  • Christine

    2004/09/17 at 11:08 am

    I love a dog with pug-i-tude.

    “Fuck your facist beauty standards,” says the regal Queen Isabelle, “I *know* I got it going on!”

    She’s all that and a bag of kibble, baby. 😉

  • beachgal

    2004/09/17 at 11:15 am

    Pugs are great! She does look like she has a bit of an attitude.

    I’m a little concerned with why one would choose to search for “poop in my ass” in the first place! But it is funny that Dooce comes up that way.

  • reenie

    2004/09/17 at 11:34 am

    I can tell you are a true photographer. You get down on the level of the subjects so we can see them in their reality.
    Oh, and Poor C. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
    I didn’t know it was possible to go three weeks without pooping, Melissa! Oh, and you poor poor thing, Andrea. How awful.

  • Moxie

    2004/09/17 at 11:43 am

    When he was with us our Pug “Grub” was the cutest, fugliest dog we have ever had. The snorting and snoring alone is enough to keep ya amused for a decade. Isabelle look as though she is triking her “regal” pose..kinda reminds me of portraits of 16th century women with the high foreheads and less then stellar teeth.

    BTW…the “C” story…..I coughed up a PIECE OF MY SPLEEN I was laughing so hard. You owe me a new organ.

    BTW….the B

  • Moxie

    2004/09/17 at 11:47 am

    Oh dear god. Excuse the above typos. Vicks44..need I say more?

  • Gaseous Pooper

    2004/09/17 at 12:17 pm

    I am shaking w/laughter at the C story. I have one word for you and all “C” sufferers – COLACE. Seriously, I discovered them while pregnant and they helped the “dry, hard stool” (directly from the label) problem.

    I am a big fan of airline pooping (negative air pressure, no scent, no problem) and also airline farting – right in your own seat! With all the noise and air movement no one will ever hear it and if they smell it, can’t tell who dealt it. Try it sometime – it always makes me laugh.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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