An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


  • d

    Adorable…simply adorable.
    Dogs are the BEST models!

  • sab

    aww she’s cute! by the way, the story about “C”, was frickin’ hilarious. I never laughed so hard while online, not even at an email.

  • Shannon

    oh my, that’s so cute!

  • Awwww. Cute. My fiance’s desperate for a pug. But as we’re temporarily living with his parents and his Mum (Yes, I’m british, so I say Mum) says no, we have to wait.

  • isabelle looks like she doesn’t take crap from anyone. i’m sure my dog would get on her last nerve. and i have to agree with sab about the “c” story. i read it to my roommate and we died laughing.

  • AlbionJessica

    My grandpa got a pug a few years ago, and I swear they look exactly alike. Same wrinkley faces, same expressions. The only difference is that Duke (the dog) snorts out copious amounts of doggy snot all the time.

    My advice for anyone wanting to own a pug: Stock up on paper towels and Windex.

  • Hmmm, I appear to be the only person who thinks the dog is hideous. The picture is good, as always, though.

  • Nice smile.

  • yes, hideous. but that’s the entire point of their charm. they’re so ugly you have to love them!! that one is cute though, showing her teeth like my dog does. my dog will then bite people on the nose, but i think she thinks she’s giving kisses, it’s hilarious.

  • Tim

    The Former Congressman is much cuter! That C story has caused me to startle my co-workers with laughing….

  • Pugs are the second cutest breed of dog ever. I can’t resist pulling on those curly tails. Only Boston Terriers are cuter.

  • megchem

    angel, you aren’t the only one….that dog is way ugly…and dooce i agree with you…airplane poopers have ISH….

  • im a dog lover, and i agree that this dog is tremendously ugly.

  • Weez

    Yes, thanks Heather. The C story made me laugh so hard I spewed my coffee all over my keyboard & desk. Note to self: swallow coffee before reading dooce.

  • Of course, I do prefer a fluffy little puppy. I don’t know why I also just adore cranky old yuck dogs. I love your rotting teeth, you scary pug! I will kiss that wrinkle between your glowing devil eyes, and you will bite my nose.

    It will be great.

    Thanks, photo/poop lady.

  • pugs are so adorable, i must agree that it’s the distortion of their faces that make them so cute!

    story of C is freaking hilarious! i type this as i snort and giggle in the corner staring at my laptop…thanks!

  • OMG … I just spit coffee on the monitor AGAIN! I so feel for C., but I can’t stop laughing. Oh, it hurts. The laughter really hurts.

  • Andrea

    OMG I went through just about the same exact thing as C. when I was in my 8th month of pregnancy at a shipyard I worked at in southern California. The only god awful difference was that I caught myself just before I passed out and got someone to call an ambulance for me. So there I was being hauled out of there in front of all to see with my underwear still wrapped around my ankles and the big bad MF turd in mid-progress where it just stopped to look around before taking the ‘plunge’. I saw many faces looking at me in the ambulance crinkling up their faces looking at me wondering what the hell happened. Yeah, try going back to work the next day…

  • “you lookin’ at me? you lookin’ at ME??”

    that is the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen. so ugly that she’s cute. does that make sense?

  • ksea

    I would laugh all the time if that dog were around.

  • m

    The dog is darling. And regarding C’s story: surely, if a coworker had walked in and seen someone PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR, they would have taken action. Unless C works in the meanest office in the world. I think the fact that he came to alone pretty much guarantees that his incident was without witnesses.

  • Rabooka

    Yup! So ugly they are cute. I have 2 pugs myself (Missy & Spike) and I am amazed Isabelle sat still long enough for you to take this picture. My dogs see the camera and run to eat it. The best time to take pictures is when they are sleeping (very Cute).

  • kara

    Does this dog remind anyone else of Lucille Ball in her later years?

  • Laura

    Isabelle says “Go ahead…make my day.” I yearn for a cute, tiny dog.

  • I love dog feet and their bottom teeth – all of which are visible here so A+. Anybody else find that dog feet tend to smell like Frito’s?

  • Melissa

    Adorable picture- I love pugs!

    Amen to the travel poop… when I was younger, I went to Europe for a month. I got sick the first few days, and then did not poop for 3 weeks. My mother just about fainted when I finally told her at the end of the trip, and I had an epic battle with the toilet when I returned. Thanks for the stories- you always make me laugh!

  • Pugs are SO CUTE!!! They’re so fat an ugly! –And cute!

  • I can’t decide if I absolutely love pugs and think they’re cute, or if I think they look like big mean rats. I think I want a shar-pei.

  • oh man … poor C.

  • Rabooka

    My pugs feet smell like fritos too!

  • G~

    Poor C. I can’t say I ever had that ‘bathroom at work’ experience, but big-scary-poop?? yes, been there, done that.

    When you post about poop, I am rigtht there with you. *sigh*

    That is indeed one ugly dog….kinda makes me think of what those big scary poops must look like…*shudder*

  • cgirl

    like the pug; ya ya, poop story; ha ha, but did anyone notice that Heather’s cousin must be a long lost Osmond brother?

  • Cora’s Mommy

    I love those dogs…
    Can I please share my constipation story? I was 9 weeks preggo and I was severly stopped up. I was already “showing” and so proud of it. While visiting my mother, I wake up with horrible poop pains. I thought for sure I was getting the stomach flu. I kept getting these waves of pains, similar to contractions. I never pooped though, just threw up. Finally after hours of these ‘contractions’, I had an explosive poop. (sorry to gross you out) I ended up having bleeding come out of you-know-where. Went to the emergency room! They said I was just really clogged up and knocked an internal hemorrhoid loose. You know, after all that, I wasn’t “showing” anymore. All the times people were rubbing my belly, they weren’t rubbing the growing baby, they were massaging my stuffed to the gills intestine! Yuck!

  • Oooh she looks ‘ruff’ (shit that was bad, sorry) I mean ‘tough’ 🙂

  • Pugs scare the crap out of me. My friend Carolyn has two of them, named Kiwi and Raisin (their names only add to their creepiness…) and both of them sound as if they’re suffering from emphysema. They follow you around the house, making these horrible horror movie noises, and if you’re barefoot they’ll stick their tongues in between your toes. The fact that they’re so prone to their eyes falling out of their sockets (from running into doorframes, etc.) doesn’t help much either.

    Bleeueh. Creepy.

  • jennie

    I love this puppy. I am in search for one now and I can’t find any. Sad. But I love this website, I nearly peed my pants at my desk today reading that story about “C”, Poor C.

  • The pic of Isabelle make me laugh out loud. I lova all dogs, but little ones just make me laugh out loud when I see them.

    I have a similar C. story, but instead of passing out and cutting my head, I “pushed” so hard I blew a blood vessel in my eye. That one was just plain hard to explain for the month it took to heal.

  • Heather – these people must love you. This dog is not “aw, so cute” Perhaps, “So ugly she’s cute” is better.

    I suppose I just prefer Chuckles’ sleek nose.

  • Maybe it’s the uniformly gray face, or the big black pop eyes, but something about this dog screams Area 51 to me. She looks like she wants to dominate the earth, don’t you think?

    Love your new site!

  • Kimberley

    I am a student librarian, at the Library where I GO TO SCHOOL. In a free moment, I decided to see what my dear Dooce had written. I was at the home page, where you have your title in RED LETTERS, when the head librarian, my boss, walks up behind my desk.
    “Good times!” she says casually, pats my back, and walks away.

  • hahaha – comment 22 – Rabooka.
    What is it with pugs and eating stuff? My friend’s pug (Tugboat!) ate my paper napkin. His best claim to fame was eating the neighbors’ baggie of pot. 🙂

  • I couldn’t help but think while reading the story of C that his bare butt must’ve been in need of some toilet paper, after the “Big Bad Motherfucking Poop”, did he have time to clean up his rear end before passing out?

  • Isabelle ain’t so belle. Does she have a great personality?

    Aparently not, from the pissed off look on her face.

  • Isn’t she just the cutest! If it wasn’t for the pooping (who needs more pooping), I’d run out right now and get me one of these gems and call her Minnie. Of course Jack & Benny are so big they’d probobly gang up on her and have her for dinner.

  • I love a dog with pug-i-tude.

    “Fuck your facist beauty standards,” says the regal Queen Isabelle, “I *know* I got it going on!”

    She’s all that and a bag of kibble, baby. 😉

  • beachgal

    Pugs are great! She does look like she has a bit of an attitude.

    I’m a little concerned with why one would choose to search for “poop in my ass” in the first place! But it is funny that Dooce comes up that way.

  • reenie

    I can tell you are a true photographer. You get down on the level of the subjects so we can see them in their reality.
    Oh, and Poor C. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
    I didn’t know it was possible to go three weeks without pooping, Melissa! Oh, and you poor poor thing, Andrea. How awful.

  • When he was with us our Pug “Grub” was the cutest, fugliest dog we have ever had. The snorting and snoring alone is enough to keep ya amused for a decade. Isabelle look as though she is triking her “regal” pose..kinda reminds me of portraits of 16th century women with the high foreheads and less then stellar teeth.

    BTW…the “C” story…..I coughed up a PIECE OF MY SPLEEN I was laughing so hard. You owe me a new organ.

    BTW….the B

  • Oh dear god. Excuse the above typos. Vicks44..need I say more?

  • Gaseous Pooper

    I am shaking w/laughter at the C story. I have one word for you and all “C” sufferers – COLACE. Seriously, I discovered them while pregnant and they helped the “dry, hard stool” (directly from the label) problem.

    I am a big fan of airline pooping (negative air pressure, no scent, no problem) and also airline farting – right in your own seat! With all the noise and air movement no one will ever hear it and if they smell it, can’t tell who dealt it. Try it sometime – it always makes me laugh.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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