An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


If you’re in San Francisco and you happen to be anywhere near the Stanyan Park Hotel, drop in and say hello to Roxanne for me, and tell her that Heather, the mother of that little baby in the stroller, the mother who was really hard on herself and had that really tall and cute husband who brought her flowers really late at night that one time, tell her that her picture is on the Internet.

  • My two favorite euphemisims for sex are “flinging Laundry” and “fighting crime”. Reconvening the proceedure has never come up- but congrats to you and Jon!

    And don’t feel bad, my friend had her baby between nursing shifts and her daughter’s head popped out when no one was in the room with her. The baby made her own episiotomy, and my friend and her husband didn’t “reconvene” for almost a year. In fact, most of my friends who have kids waited much longer than the 3-6 month mark. Don’t worry!

  • Katrina

    I had the totally opposite problem when reconvening after my son was born. I don’t think I had enough stitches. Forget tampons, now they just fell out! Thank god for Kegel exercises (ten at every stoplight or every time you hear Roxanne on the radio), or there would be no point to reconvening at all.

  • oh my god… THATS what the procedure was!!!

    Oh man, I am so glad Im gay

  • Your posts are so damn entertaining.. i think i love them.

  • kim

    no procedure for poor me in a loooong time. my vagina is fine, but i left my baby in indiana (not SF) on january 2nd of 2004 after sharing him with his entire family for only three weeks..go figure..

  • Go, Heather and Jon! I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only saying to myself, ‘I think they…yeah.’

    hooray for reconvening the procedure!

  • Kimberley

    Whoa, dude. I am happy that ya’ll are keeping up with the procedure, but … I’m 22 and just decided that I am not having a baby. I love my who-who too much. (Can you love a who-who too much?)
    My mom started calling my parts “who-who” because I would ask what it was called, and she would say “who”? My mom was not cool enough to call it a cheeseburger.

  • Lyn

    Oh! I forgot the horrors of reconvening the procedure. Oh lord, thats enough to make me hurl. My husband turned over in bed after week 4 and accicendtly kneed me in the area where you’d reconvene and broke open my stitches. Emergnacy visit, restitched. I bled for like a month more. He cut off his knees and we had to wait 3 months more. lol But I honestly thought the first poop was more painful than the first procedure reconvening. I assumed the first reconvening would be painful, I didnt have a clue about the first poop! They gave me 2 cans of that spray for numbing and I used both on the first poop!
    Bless you Heather and Jon, sharing honestly and with so much humor amidst your love of each other is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a long while!

  • HazelEyedPisces

    Dooce, you’ve done it again – I’m SO empathizing. Somehow you’ve made me giggle while I’m doing so though, and I’m sure my office-mates are wondering what’s wrong with me. BUT, to comfort you: It took us basically 7 months to reconvene. Wisely (ha!) I decided to try a new birth control which, ironically, had me ‘unable’ to convene. My hub was ready to find a hole in the wall somewhere, poor guy. Cheers to you and Jon on the convening (or is that convention? hmmm… sounds to “group”).

  • Kristin

    Um…yeah…I don’t think I want to get pregnant anymore…thanks for the heads up. (pun intended)

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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