the smell of my desperation has become a stench

T-Minus three minutes

Sometimes when I’m lying in bed at night trying to go to sleep I have songs and words from the day stuck in my head that keep me awake. Last night I had a series of vowels and consonants going around and around, something that goes like, “Ahhhh ya yaaa goo goo da da da da da baaaaaaaaa!” and it spans at least two octaves. Roughly translated it means, “I am sufficiently engrossed with the new object you have placed in my hands at this time. You may now go brush your teeth or comb your hair, but in three minutes when I notice that you are gone I will commence shrieking.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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