An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Jon won’t let me plant these in our yard so I’m left to taking longing pictures of them

  • Heather 2

    Very pretty…what is it?

  • Fis

    Let’s start this off right:

    Prickly like George Bush, RIGHT?
    (much unctuous commentary to follow).

  • Wow! the colour. I love the nature stuff.

  • excellent pic as usual 🙂 yeah what kind of plant is it that Jon’s so against planting it in your yard? :p

  • oh i see… hehe didn’t read the text below the pic ooohmph :p

  • Putting it that way makes me think about the way men talk about porn.

    Mmmmm… plant porn.

  • OH DEAR LORD. Those bushes are the landscaping of Satan!!! I have just ripped out two of those monstrosities from my yard. They prick you with little needles when you trim them and they drop their little pin like needles which get everywhere and sink their evil little selves into the bottoms of tender feet. Bush begone!!

  • That’s very red, I’d love it in my garden too! Maybe Jon is worried such a violent shade would instigate bad karma in the Armstrong household.

  • Gorgeous color! Fall in Utah must be so pretty.

  • Unctuous- “Having the quality or characteristics of oil or ointment; slippery”.

    Wow. Kinky.

    No big words before noon please. 🙂

  • Oohhh. I love the color. Prickly? Hit him! They’re not prickly. They’re pretty.

  • winger

    We planted these in front of our basement windows – those little half windows at ground level – as a security measure. Love the red color.

  • Em

    Is he afraid he will get drunk and fall in them or something? They are for LOOKING AT, not laying on!

  • I love dictionary dot com.

    Unctuous: 1. Characterized by affected, exaggerated, or insincere earnestness

  • Liz

    Oh you think one morning without power is painful? Ahem. I’ve had THREE hurricanes this summer, all of them rendering me powerless for 3 days or more. In Florida. With the humidity and heat. And bugs. And a four month old, who is quite easily bored. That diaper smells hangs heavy with no ventilation.

    Top that, sister.


  • Damn right they’re too prickley! There’s blood all over them! Call the cops!

  • Moxie, I agree with your statement: “Bush begone.”

  • Kano

    Now that you brought up politics once again….that picture does remind me of Heinz Kerry quite a bit. What a wonderful first lady she would make……NOT!

  • Told you the politics wouldn’t be far off.

  • Moxie is right, those bushes suck!!! They bite when you try to cut them back and are just plain evil!!! It’s one of those things, pretty to look at, but bite if you get too close.

    Heather…DON’T DO IT!! Stand strong Jon!

  • Yeah, yeah..the bush…whatever.
    I want to know how you can purchase moisturizer from a DEPARTMENT store when your mother is the AVON WORLD SALES LEADER and still sleep at night???

  • I’m afraid I have to agree with Moxie and Shannon C. We had one, and it was attempting to achieve an unholy union with another shrub, AND the thorns snagged us every time we walked by or trimmed it. We finally had to have it pulled.

  • Where’s the Snow???

  • I meant to say where’s the snow on the BUSH!

  • Love the bush, and I’d sneak it in and claim a seed planted itself!

    Yes I’m wondering too, why you don’t wear Avon since your mom sells it. I hate the stuff, but if my mom sold it, you’d bet I’d have a bathroom full of the stuff.

  • free gifts with purchase rock.

  • Sarah

    Rose Glow Japanese barberry, right? I have one of those in my back flowerbed. It’s in the middle of a couple of rose bushes. In Texas everything’s got spines. Agarita, prickly pear, bull nettle, mesquite, etc. One little bush is totally not a cause for concern. Worry more about your local elections.

  • a simple, basic picture of a plant and yet someone still managed to incorporate the word “porn.”

    geez, whaddaya think this is, the internet?

  • Kris

    Plant some burning bush instead. Same beautiful color, no spines. Plus it has an ironic name. =)

  • Kim

    I’m in texas and we had those and had to take them out because they didn’t do so well. Damn they were prickly. I had to wear gloves to prune them and YES they needed pruning. They are often planted where you would want to prevent a burgler from stepping! There is a good substitute that isn’t prickly at all.. but don’t know if it would grow in your area.

  • Mo

    hahaha-landscaping of Satan.
    it’s a shame they are such manipulative little bastards, those plants, cause they are really pretty. at least cactuses let you know what they will do to you ahead of time.

  • again with the advice, people?
    at least it’s not dog or baby related.
    beautiful picture–i love the way you compose your shots, Heather.

  • They’re septic tank poopy red, Heather – I’m surprised you like them so much!

  • cathy

    Our next door neighbors had a huge ancient one of those in their front yard, hanging into our yard. Every fall the mom would nag the lazy son until he got out there to trim it. Every year he’d leave the clippings laying all over our side of the lot line. They are evilly sharp. I wore 2 pair of leather garden gloves to clean them up. Last year lazy son moved away and hyperactive daughter moved home. She redid the yard beautifully and the bush is long gone.

    BUT–those bushes always made me think of the thorn bushes in fairy tales, the ones surrounding Sleeping Beauty’s castle. As Leta gets older, maybe Jon WILL want to plant them. A whole moat of them around the house. Virgin protection.

  • Yo Fis, if you are trying to start political shit out of a beautiful picture, please SHUT UP.

  • Just having a little fun.

    Lighten up.

  • That is a pretty plant. Thorns are a definite drawback, though. Ouchie.

  • Jeff

    The picture is awesome. I love the brilliant color.

    As for pronouncing Walmart, we just call it “Walley-world”.

  • Erin

    Those bushes are the landscaping of Satan. They are beautiful only in winter and GOD FORBID you ever want to remove them!!! I’ve tried.
    My mom told me once they are called Vicary Bushes.

  • Definitely Japanese barberry. Sarah’s right.

    Very pretty.

  • Well then he’s just crazy.

  • kim

    weird – here they get really ugly late winter… no leaves, no color, just big nasty thorns!

  • Listen people. The plant looks all great when it’s new and cute and little. But I lived in a duplex that had a massive 50 year old version and it grew like CRAZY every year. Like 2 feet. Trimming it was like battling 10 foot high rose bushes but more dense. I had scratches all over me, and I was wearing long sleeves. Not worth it.

  • The order of CD is crucial to me, because I never learn song titles and am left saying things like “I love track 9 on Either/Or”

    I feel for ya, babe.

  • popsicle

    those little red buggers are so sweet to look at..that is one bushy, small bush that needs to be ubiquitous; unfortunately, they are not, as I do not believe my eyes have ever made contact with said little red buggers.

  • Ohhh there gorgeous! Why can’t you plant them? Too prickily? Come on, it’ll deter the little Mormon hooligans from ransacking the yard! (No Tommy We Can’t Go Over There, They Have The Evil Plant!)

  • Amanda B.

    Oh, you guys are killing my tiny rotten brain…

    “One little bush is totally not a cause for concern”

    “Love the bush, and I’d sneak it in and claim a seed planted itself!”

    I’m sorry…

    whoo, hoo, ouch…

  • lady quicksilver

    I wanted to be the first to say it was some sort of barberry but alas there’s another landscaper out there!

    I say plant it, it is gorgeous. Stick it in a corner with a huge mulch bed around it and just wear thick gloves when pruning.


  • maria

    speaking as someone who was shoved into a huge stand of those as a kid…listen to jon. there are plenty of other plants just as pretty 😉

  • shelli

    we have those in our back yard. Fun- prickley indeed, but PRETTY! They aren’t too bad to clip, trim and haul to the compost pile. And they are REALLY hard to kill, so anyone can plant them and they’ll do just fine!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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