An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Jon won’t let me plant these in our yard so I’m left to taking longing pictures of them

  • this is my favorite page on the web, with all the talk of prickly red bushes, poop, hate mail, and Flowbees…of FRANCE!!!!

  • I used to have those in my yard and fell into a bush when I was very little. My mom, 7 months pregnant, decided to DIG THEM UP AND THROW THEM AWAY BECAUSE IF THEY HURT ONE BABY THEY WILL HURT THEM ALL!

    Could I get that woman’s (the one with the !!!!) email address? I need a spam address to send my offers to.

  • Susie

    I’m voting for Bush. And I say, good for you, Heather, voting for Kerry. I agree with you that in the USA you still get to express your opinion by voting, even in Utah. On behalf of kind, thinking Bush voters (oh gosh, I can hear the comments now!) I apologize for the asshat. Of France!!!!

    I love the Armstrong clause. On a very bad day, I asked my love if he would visit me, were I to be hospitalized. He said he would keep me at home, propped in my favorite reading chair, even if I had to be in a strait jacket. “But I couldn’t turn the pages of my books in a strait jacket.” “So we’ll hire you a page turner.”

    Saying “of France!!!!” is even more fun than saying poop.

  • I agree with Susie — saying “of France!!!!” is more fun than saying poop.

    Unless, of course you’re saying that Bush-lover is full of the poop… of FRANCE!!!!

  • The hate-mailing Bush-lover, of course. Not you, Susie. I like you. You could never be full of the poop… of FRANCE!!!!

  • Michelle in San Diego

    So on just the say so of you– I bought the Interpol album on itunes. I also clicked on the links on your page to continue to fiscally support your posting multiple times during the day. It was like getting a present the twice I checked your site.
    I would have checked it more but I’m not a stalker.
    Have a great night.

  • I hate being THAT person….but since the resident Grammararian doesn’t seem to have shown up today… Dooce! What’s with the typos lately? Never seen one before on your blog… 🙂
    Don’t hate me.
    On another note: Did notice the “every day”.
    Nice pic…Happy that the vitriolic political comments haven’t been flowing today (in the Comments section)

  • Kimberly

    Oh man. I so don’t want to litter your photos up with comments about the blog, but WTF IS UP WITH THAT BITCH?

    How delusioned the Bush supporters are, when they cry, “Bush is safer, he will protect us from evil terrorism!” and I say, “WHERE IS BIN LADIN? HUH? HOW SAFE ARE WE WITH HIM AROUND? 3 years later, people, and he’s still at large! Now we just wait for the next attack.” Dumbasses. Talk about research, she needs to do some of her own to see what a liar W is.

    Sorry. I’m done now.

  • France has always held some distain for Americans. I suppose we can be a little obnoxious sometimes.

    I still don’t understand why people are behaving in such a violent manner over this election. Maybe it’s always been this way and I’ve just noticed it. I still don’t subscribe to the idea that either candidate is so wonderful that I should lynch my fellow man over them. I’ll be glad when it’s over and I hope no matter who wins, we can stop fighting and being mean to each other.

    That being said, France is really great…

    For me to poop on!

  • Kari

    Happy Halloween neighbors

    Look who I’m votin’ for!

  • Kari

    I like that pic, too, of France.

    Sorry I cannot do four exclamation points !!

  • Okay, I’m sure this is obnoxious, but I’m jumping on the mock-the-email bandwagon.

    Of France!!!!

    So now, anyone who’s voting (or voted, as I got to vote early because I’m in Florida!) Kerry is uneducated? WTF?

    I can google twice as many sites that will happily inform me of how much of an assmunch Bush is than she can that would say the same of Kerry. But really, isn’t it more productive to stick to the issues?

    Ugh! Everyone’s perfectly entitled to vote their beliefs and not be attacked for it, dammit! Even in Utah!

  • Britta

    Does Jon have no prickly-lovingness?Prickly things are good.People get hurt.And it is funny.Enough for me to buy 10+ prickly things just to watch people out of my window saying “Ouch.Her yard is prickly don’t want my dogs shitting THERE.”

  • Brooke

    I bet that woman has


    ..Wedged up her ass.

  • Sue From Ohio

    1st: I’m at a loss on the plant thing…I can’t believe how ‘into’ landscaping men husband included. I always thought they could care less….hmm

    2nd:I hope I NEVER piss you off to where you post my email address…oh wait, I always type it into the email bar, can other’s see that…hmmm

    3rd:Politics suck…but yes I’m voting and no I’m not sharing my opinions…hmmmm

    4th:has anyone made fun of Ashley Simpson yet?…hmmmmm

    5th:Have I annoyed the shit out of everyone yet….sorry

  • jana

    Oh, I can’t imagine what might happen if a sockless baby got near that prickly plant. Yikes.

    My husband says Bush is the best word in the world because it has so many meanings…I think he was just wanting a beer and some lovin’ at the time.

    DOOCE!!!! OF FRANCE!!!!

  • ::wonders how long before Dooce is the #1 Google search for Of France!!!!::

    *checking pulse* The horse is dead, the beating may cease and desist.

  • caro in noo zilland

    are you sure the person who says wool mort hasn’t just got a lazy noo zilland accent?

  • Jessica

    I like France. I’ve lived there. Frenchies are cool. They park, like, all over the place, in the middle of the road, whatnot. If you see a store you want to go to, you don’t look for a place to park, you Stop. Right. There. Gets a bit confusing at times, and turns driving into a marathon, but it’s cool. And they make chocolate baguettes. Yummmmmmm.

  • chocolate baguettes! i don’t think i’ll be able to sleep for the thrill at such a notion! i am drooling.

  • Edith Prickly here…station manager at SCTV. I love the picture. There’s no such thing as being too prickly.

  • Chocolate baguettes? Of France?!!? Oh yum. *drools*

  • A message for the bitch that sent Heather a that totally uncalled for email: FUCK YOU. Who the fuck do you think you are? It is perfectly ok to voice your political opinion,it is NOT ok to attack someone (or their hair) for their’s. You’re probably just an old ugly bitch who’s jealous of Heather’s obvious intelligence and HAPPY existence. Oh did I forget to mention…FUCK YOU.

  • yeah france is screwed up — it’s not like the helped us in the revolution or anything. plus my favorite french friend (jean luc, appropriately) would drink milk and yell “frotee-frotah!” (i don’t know how to spell that) at random all day long [meaning: sex dance(!)… or something…]. but anyway — what a beotch! GAH! what – a – beotch.

  • Ms.Chievous

    I can’t help it!!!! I’m so naughty!!!! Of France!!!!
    Niisha is awesome.

  • Sophie


  • some people PAY for prickly.

    maybe Madame ‘of France!!!!’ has one of those bushes stuck up her arse? Something is obviously impeding her ability to think clearly.

  • kim

    HA – i klicked on the “flowbee” link yesterday. but they don’t ship to germany..i think..o(f)r france..

  • Lori

    I just read an article on ‘vote- pairing’. I hadn’t heard of it before, but if I lived in a Republican state (or a swing state) I might check it out so my vote wouldn’t go to waste.

  • Lori

    Oh, well, here is the link for the article…

  • eco2geek

    jackie > “my favorite french friend would drink milk and yell “frotee-frotah!” at random all day long

    If he’d yell “frotti-frotta” after drinking milk, what in God’s name did he yell when he got drunk?

    Dooce of France!!!! is one of my favorite blogs.

    P.S. Bush sucks on both terrorism and the economy.

  • Okay, I live in France, with the sexiest, sweetest man alive, who’s French… and I gotta say- everyone here, on a BAD day, is more desirable than anyone who’d ignorantly insult a country for NOT GOING TO WAR! Don’t we ALL now think the Iraq war is a mistake? Yet somehow insulting the French (who, like the un-insulted Germans, obviously had good foresight) is still a trendy thing to do? Ugh. Grow up folks. This ain’t the third grade. (I AM happy to hear the pro-France comments- while I’m biased towards my home country, France is in many ways… a better run country. At least here- your vote actually MATTERS!)

    I am constantly amazed at the crap people email to you, Dooce. Life is too frickin’ short to darken other people’s lives. On a happier note- what about a mural with those flowers somewhere in the house? Très jolie !

  • I absolutely HATE those things!

  • actually when he got drunk he wouldn’t yell or say anything — just put on tight jeans, bum cigarettes, and look satisfied.

  • Kano

    Pooze…Life is too frickin’ short to darken other peoples lives yet you come here and knock things about the USA and the war. I think the war was and is the correct action towards a man that obviously did his share of mass executions on civilians. Look back at the history of France and their stance on wars. Check out the attitude of the commander in WWII…Pompous. While I have nothing against a country that decides to sit out on a war, That country should also not harbor ill feelings towards the USA for taking action against a country that is run by a regime of civilian slaughtering thugs and a country that is one huge ammunition dump. Your attitude is like that of the people that knock police officers until they really need one for themselves.
    If people believe in world peace then someone has to take action against the thugs around the world. Look at how long everyone stood back and let Hitler get away with bloody murder. If you want a beautiful garden then sometimes you have to pull out the weeds and Saddam was a weed that needed removed. WMD……Who cares they had ammunitions stock piled all over the country and the guy is a mass murderer. Do you want those kinds of people around you?
    Unfortunately some people still decide to sit back and idly ignore that evil people around should have action taken against them. It’s also an unfortunate fact that when you take these actions that some of our own good people will sacrifice their lives for the good of everyone….even those that sit back and knock the effort. You should give praise to the people that are over their fighting to prevent evil from spreading across the world.
    I commend President Bush for taking action.
    So go ahead and sit back …..Let the rest of the world do the dirty work so you can enjoy your glass of wine with your croissant.

    Au Revoir

  • Kano,

    I agree, you might be surprised, that Saddam should have been removed from power. What I object to, however, is being lied to. If the President had said, “Saddam is a bad guy. He’s doing unspeakable things to people under his rule. He must be stopped and we’re going to go over there and do it,” I’d be right there with him. That’s not what he said, however. He said Saddam has nerve gas. Saddam biological weapons. Saddam is making nukes. Saddam has ties to the guys that flew planes into our buildings.

    None of that is true.

    So unlike Kerry, I don’t think it’s the wrong war, wrong place, wrong time. I think it’s the right war, wrong reasons, wrong way. We, somehow, saw fit to bring impeachment proceedings against President Clinton for getting a blow job and yet President Bush can mis-lead the country into a mis-managed war without repurcussions.

    I’m voting November 2. I suggest you do the same.

  • You gotta wonder if a woman like that would ever have the balls to say ANY of that to ANYONE in person! Something about email must make people think they’re not “really” communicating and they can say whatever they want…before they really think about how it might come off. All I can say is that Heather, you’re one special chica to not take it all personally! I admire you for that.

    Of France!!!!

  • jodi-no-blog

    The Armstrong Clause….. SWEET! That’s some true love, baby! I hope my hubby would stand on the lawn outside of hell, because its a possibility I might end up there. If Bush is re-elected. And I go crazy.
    Of France.

  • Colleen

    whether you are for the war or against it… what do you think about capturing Saddam in a 6 foot hole in the ground (great use of military intelligence) …
    however, we can’t seem to track down the guy who was responsible for almost 3000 civilian deaths on our own soil… and he’s on dialysis, probably 3x a week… could it be we diverted our military to the wrong cause??

  • Kano

    Ahhh but Peter….Kerry would have stated the same things based on intelligence reports handed to him at the time. So in other words you just think that Bush flat out lied to everyone? I don’t think so myself.
    I don’t take that as a lie……Now people like Clinton and things he did were flat out lies…there is a difference.
    Like I said if Kerry should win….I feel sorry for the USA.

  • Adina

    I just read your post about the nasty email that you received. Until now I have been just a stalker, reading your blog religiously everyday, but I had to comment on this one…..I wonder if my mother was the only one who told me “If you don’t have anything nice to say….don’t say anything at all”? Why do people feel it necessary to put people down, push their judgements on others and generally be nasty? I for one think you are fabulous, you make woman and mothers of the world feel like they are not alone.
    Let me just say to the person who sent you the nastgram, find someone else to pick on….maybe you could become a citizen “Of France!!!!”
    Keep it up Heather – we all love you!

  • Heather,
    I say banish that nastee woman to Iraq. How dare she belittle you for your opinions. Maybe she should google “freedom of speech”, and remember that she IS IN the US also. I’m with you! NO MORE BUSH-SHIT…Kerry/Edwards 04!

  • Laura J.

    I just have to say:

    I’M SO EXCITED! I can see your photos now. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but there they are in all their glorious beauty.

    I checked to make sure that my firewall and security stuff was still running (and it is), but now I can see your photos.

    You have no idea how happy this makes me . . .

  • H in Chicago

    I respectfully disagree with your viewpoint. Who decided that the U.S. is the police of the world? Why should our values and ideologies (and guns and bombs) be forced upon the rest of the world without any support from other countries? Stopping a violent leader (Hussain) is good, however, doing it alone and unilaterally and without really saying that that is what we’re doing (9/11 has been the excuse, as well as the never-to-be-found WMDs) is wrong. Bush, I think, had alterior motives for the war in Iraq and has done nothing positive for this country because of it – instead, we’re hated even more throughout the world. Kerry has my vote because he will be less reactionary and will think through issues before acting (which, though some may call “flip-flopping” is really just thinking through things and not hanging on to an ideology no matter what).

  • PS. Also it is very big of you NOT to publish her email address here. Much bigger than her Republican self! Two cheers for you and all Democrats!

  • Damn Dooce, it’s getting to be like Little Green Footballs in your comments lately.


    *compliments the plants in your photo, since they’re being ignored*

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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