An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

I should have put the camera down to help her up, but, um, I didn’t

  • Hey, ya’ll.

    So, we all know that Dooce is one of kind, right? Dang. Dang dang.

    Appreciation for what this life offers us is something that many cannot and will not find.

    Thank you, Heather Armstrong. And than you to Jon Armstrong for being the love that sustains her.

  • A girl

    Your post “Be well” brought me to tears. It’s a shame that insurance companies don’t have coverage for diseases like this.

    I was 18 when I was diagnosed with depression. But I know I had suffered since the age of 16.

    I know that because I cared what other people thought, I went two very long years without treatment. and even when I did seek treatment, the doctor had to write that I had insomnia on the patient slip in order for it to be covered by insurance, even though he well knew I was depressed. It saved me money, but what a shame.

    I never once thought about committing suicide, but I did think and rethink how great it would be for me to fall asleep, and never wake up. Life would be so much simpler.

    After a little while on Paxil (I chose to stop taking it because it made me sleep ALL the time, and sleeping and being a full time student in college does not work.) I stopped taking it, and slowly started to get better. Sometimes I fall back into my state of depression, when there’s just something that clicks on your body and screams for help, you just know. But for now, I’m better.

    Thank you for writing about your experience. I wish people could better understand the pain.

  • Thank you for the depression post. My best friend murdered her 6 year old daughter and then killed herself. I too suffered with depression and spent an entire year in bed. Literally. I probably would have been suicidal if I could have figured out how to do it without getting up. I still take medication and probably always will. I’m glad you are well and took the opportunity to make this most recent post. My friend by the way was beautiful, redhead, “normal”, cheerleader, homecoming court type girl. Her daughter, Terri Lynn was named after me. I’ll never know what finally happened that morning when she decided she couldn’t go on one more minute but I know it was because she couldn’t stop the pain and couldn’t stand for her daughter – who she adored – to live knowing her mother had killed herself. I’ll never fully recover from what happened.

  • Thank you for sharing, Dooce. You’re very brave, along with being very funny. 🙂

  • Stephanie

    I’ve never posted before but today’s posts have gotten me all choked up! So I just wanted to take the time to say that this website has brought me many laughs over the past couple of weeks and I want to thank all of you for that, especially Heather. I think your outstanding person and you will always have me as an avid reader,if not a frequent poster. I really admire your ability to express yourself in words. It’s a talent most people only dream of.

  • Thank you for sharing. For being open honest, funny, bold, brave and unsolicited. Suicide is more real than most imagine. Struggling with depression and axiety I wonder if I will ever feel safe enough in my own body to have a child…and that IS with receving good solid treatment and having a wonderfully supportive family.

    Gap lovers unite. Leta should be in a babyGap commercial.

  • i have a beautiful daughter who always hovers on the edge. thank you for these insights.

  • bb

    she looks so young in that pic! like, a little baby. I thought that maybe this was back when she was back 3-4 months old…

  • this is what happens… the firstborn always gets the fun stuff (i.e. coupons) first, and the youngest has to amuse itself. my youngest sister’s favorite game when she was tiny was “put the pebble on the washcloth, roll it up, and shake it out..find pebble, repeat.” hold onto those coupons, leta.

  • …hmmm …. 10% OFF hahahaha

  • torph

    I also suffer from depression and have for years. Only recently have I been medicated. . . It makes a world of difference but is extrememly hard to afford if you are uninsured like I am.

  • How is Leta ever going to make it in the world, if she never learns how cruel it is? The world will never stop to help you, it will only take your picture. See, you’re helping her.

  • stacey

    ya know, i’m so glad your site exists. at least a few times throughout my day, i have something to remember (to check) and be happy about. thanks. 🙂

  • I dreamt of last night (and if there were to god, I’d swear to it on this one!) The details are hazy at best, but there I was, logging on and seeing a pale peachish thumbnail where the photo should’ve been– no details, just the colour. Clicking on it turned up a photo of a bunch of just-married gay people kissing and celebrating in front of the big Mormon temple. And I was –so– pleased to see the photo; I’d thought gay marriage must’ve been made legal everywhere, of course, and that it just hadn’t yet hit the news– had broken a hot story! So I phoned a close friend (who’s gay), to send him to the site to look for himself, but he called back to let me know that the photo wasn’t there… sure enough, when I checked back at dooce, not only was it gone, but there were broken links -everywhere.- Heavy with dream symbolism on plenty levels, I’m sure, but the point is: crikes, what am I doing dreaming of dooce???

  • Frances

    When my now-16-year-old son was quite small, but big enough to perch on the grown-up toilet by himself, he leaned back a fraction too far and fell in. Bum in the cold water, suspended by his armpits and knees on the toilet seat, screaming his terrified little head off … what could I do but run to the next room to get the camera?

  • Mrs. Stray

    This is one of the greatest sites I have ever read in my life. My older children often come running from the other room wondering why on earth I am laughing at a computer screen with just a bunch of words on it. I tell em’ to scram before they get Dooced and keep reading.

  • Mrs. Stray- I agree. (yes, that is a glorified Me Too Post)
    I have 5 kids. (this is where I wait to hear, “Oh my god, you must have your hands full!” and I do the head shake and say, “Yeahhh, but they are good kids.”)
    One of them said the other day when I was looking at Chuck in his costume,
    “Who’s that?”
    “Who’s Chuck?” she scoots closer.
    “Heather and Jon’s dog. Political leader at one time.”
    “Who’s Heather?”
    “The person who made this web site. She has a daughter too. She’s SOO cute. wanna see?”
    “No. Got more pictures of the dog?”

    If I laugh while reading at the computer my boyfriend says, “What did Heather do now?”

    That’s why I keep coming back…to find out what Heather did this time.

  • Lee

    so, yesterday I was at the gyn, talking about hormones and breast cancer, and my risk level, and I said I’d rather risk cancer than depression. I would rather keep taking the pills, which, in a delicate balance (it took about 5 years to get the mix right) with other hormones and anti-depressants, have kept me less depressed for about 3 years. I still have down days, but am neither suicidal or homicidal now. I can and have tackled and overcome physical obstacles more than once since then, but I would do just about anything to avoid that black pit of hell I was in. Luckily, the doctor got it, and agreed with me (she remembers). Also, cancer treatments are covered, and the last visit to the therapist (I only go occassionally, now), got bounced as “unnecessary” treatment. If you can find the mix, and get the treatment, life is good.

  • Emmylou

    she is SUCH a faker, ive seen that face on about a doze little kids today alone.

  • Janet

    I just want say that I am glad that all of you are talking about mental health. I suffer from depression and it was very bad when I was pregant. I wanted to go to sleep for a very long time. My second husband killed himself 10 years ago, I’m still mad at him for it.

  • Kelly

    dooce, you’re amazing. it’s taken me many, many years to get an official diagnosis and just as many to ignore the stigma of being one who needs psych meds just to get by with day to day life. I applaud you for being as candid as you are about mental health being a very real and very painful ailment. Folks who haven’t experienced it will never understand just how much it does hurt. Only those who love someone who is so desperately unhappy can even begin to imagine just how horrible life can be. I am extremely thankful for my diagnosis because it meant I finally got the medication I needed. I wish I had gotten on meds years ago. I missed out on so many opportunities to have fun and enjoy life. Today, I take great pleasure in simply being happy and normal.

    You are a blessing to so many people. 🙂

  • eco2geek

    Speaking of faking — my brother takes his 4 year old Joseph to the zoo, and he gets his hand stamped. Later that night, he’s supposed to wash his hands for dinner, and has a fit when his father tries to get him to wash the back of his stamped hand.

    Then, when they put a piece of steak on his plate (he doesn’t like meat, for some reason), he screwed up his face and began to whine, “Take it off!”

    Kid’s a drama queen at 4. Dad’s got the patience of Job.

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  • Leta doesn’t look distressed so much as annoyed. Like, “Woman…get me up now or you shall pay.”

    Look at her little “slowly turning crimson with rage” cheeks. I love it.

  • Jill

    My brother suffers from clinical depression but unfortunately he refuses to take his medication. He sees it as a weakness and refuses to accept that he suffers from it. When he was first diagnosed he took his pills and there was a huge difference in him. He was much happier with him self.

    I don’t really understand depression but I wish that he would think about taking them again. My life would shatter if I lost him.

  • Carol

    I love that her shirt says “love” and her face says “pure annoyance.”

  • me

    When my son was around 2 I video taped a wicked temper tantrum. Yes, felt sort of bad at the time, but man does it bring back ‘the days when’..

  • “Lurching clutches”. HA! Funny, funny. 😉 Don’t you just love manual transmission?

  • man, she is SO gonna give it to u when she grows up!! 🙂

  • erica

    thanks dooce for such a heartfelt and warm post (the “be well” one, of course). last year when i was going through a depression, before i straightened things out with some therapy, meds, and activities, i wasn’t suicidal — more like i thought i was going to die all the time, not kill myself. i couldn’t go to bed at night without wondering how i might die, or how those near me might die, suddenly and awfully. i couldn’t control it and i just felt worse and worse every day. if it wasn’t for my family, friends, and my boyfriend and their support, i don’t know when i would have been well. it’s nice to know we are all not alone, and that it takes time to figure shit out, but when you start to, life sure feels good.

  • my husband desperately needs meds and therapy and is currently awol. i have no idea where he is. he has people standing by to fly him home, get him to a doctor and pay for any treatment he needs. he refuses to believe he needs any. i don’t know how to help him.

  • eeeeeekkk! she’s cute as hell even when she’s mad!

  • Heather, I’ve enjoyed your site so much, and this may sound corny, but I wanted to ask your permission to put your link on my blog. I didn’t figure you’d mind, since I actually found your site through a link on another blog; but I thought it’d be…well, just plain POLITE to ask first. (I looked in your FAQs and didn’t find anything about linking to your site.)

    Thanks and God bless,

    P.S. I see that many have shared stories here of dealing with depression, so I won’t share mine, which is so very mild in comparison. I’ll just say how relieved I am for you, that you’re feeling better. And it sounds so cliche’ to say this, but you really are so very brave, not only for getting help when you need it, but also for sharing so openly and candidly with the world. God bless you and your sweet family.

  • Thanks again for keeping such a kick ass blog. I love your humor and your honesty. Be well yourself, dear.

  • Super Cute!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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