Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Under the moon shone a bottle of laxatives

  • Nice shot

  • The “tard” who would be first.

    And being first is just fun…mindless amusement based on ingrained societal influences from childhood.
    Me first! Me first!

    Why it gets people so irritated is beyond me. It’s just silliness, no big deal.

  • For all those who bitch about comment threads going off the topic of the photo:

    Lighten Up.

  • Everything looks better in moonlight.


    I’m floored….thought everyone knew what a “box” is!!! Is it an age thing??? Tell me…all of you that just figured it out, how old are you?

    BOX – get it, you put “things” in it???? (Have I used enough puctuation here?)

  • *steps forward hesitantly*

    I am 30 (God, I hate that number), and I, too, did not know about “The Box” (although I did manage to figure it out before the end of the shower story).

    I’m wondering if it’s maybe a REGIONAL thing….I’m in Texas. I’ve heard it referred to as MANY things, but never “The Box.”

  • As per your THINKING post, the proper thing to do would be to first post the question of what to do to the internet community. Oh, wait. You did that. Good job. You are TOTALLY on top of things.

  • This new definition of “Box” gives whole new twists to otherwise ordinary and mundane expressions:

    Thinking outside The Box
    Can I get a to-go Box?
    “If you talk back to me again, Young Lady, I will BOX your ears!”

    Hmmm…that last one conjures up some weeeeeird images. Think I’d better stop now.

  • loving the fact that while considering either wiping the baby down or the carpet down that a blog entry had to be made. Priorities my dear, priorities. You choose wisely.

    Much Love From Palm Springs

    no baby no cryyy. no baby no cry.

  • well, the laptop was just sitting right there, and it was just water, and she wasn’t screaming.

    the not screaming part was essential.

  • Dale

    ROFL. So glad there was no screaming going on.

  • Dooce: You know that this means that Leta is most definitely NOT a witch, as she didn’t melt when the water splashed on her.

    So, at least you can stop worrying about that.

  • Did NONE of you see the Will & Grace episode where Karen’s son wants to play with her Xbox?

  • Maddie’s Mom

    Wow Heather. You’ve hit two issues with me in one week. As for finding someone someday, well…Let’s just say I’m not convinced yet. Husband one was a loser and I haven’t dated in two years. Starting to feel a bit defeated. Hard not to. I admire your achievements though!

  • Fish- According to the Monty Python School of Thought, a person must “weigh the same as a duck and therefore FLOAT on water”, in order to be proven a witch.

    That melting stuff is soooo old school.

  • P.S. Speaking of “box”…ummm or not, anyway I know someone named “Precious Cox”. No shit.

  • Graygirl, Ladybug: I’m 30, too, but we have lots of boxes here in Canada. Could be a northern thing? Commence jokes about iceboxes… now.

    Oh my God, you guys, all of you, are so funny today. Stop it. I have to get back to work.

    Oh, and Hayley: we’re forming a lynch mob now. Run and hide, baby, run and hide.

  • hayley

    it was jack’s son, not karen’s. just to clarify.

    i also love the one where stanley has a heart attack, and the doctor says something about “acute angina” and karen says “you got a lot of nerve hitting on me at a time like this.”

    ahhhh, karen.

  • eb

    curiosity: was that taken during the lunar eclipse?

  • Colleen from NJ

    wow, that’s a pretty big bottle.

  • This photo (or the caption to it), however, evokes a lot of questions:

    Number one: Looks like Boston needs to win another world series, eh, Dooce?

  • Awsome pic, and great story by the way on leta moving. Let me tell you life does chnage in a millioin ways, but it is so utterly wonderous to watch thme gain independence and explore, unless they are detroying what nice things you have left. It will be fun for you, and at times stressful, not that you don’t know this but hey congrats on this milestone, it’s exciting.

  • Sheryl: “Gestation” is a peculiar word to use when talking about excretory functions, isn’t it?

    OH WAIT, I’m getting off the topic of the photo, so … is that really the moon, or a hole in the wall through which you watch the goings-on in the next room?

  • Dooce in emergency room:
    I don’t know doctor, I ate 143 buffalo wings, had this terrible cramp, and then…the light…I saw a light….

  • How bout this one: Yeah, Dooce, You ain’t getting nothin’ through that.

  • Stacy

    I was thinking they were playing pill bottle fetch with Chuck under the mooon.

  • Moxie: You are funny.

    Everyone else: sorry about the extreme scatalogical humor this early in the morning. We spent most of last night talking about the various possible consistencies of the little fish’s baby poo with our doula. I guess I got it on the brain.

    (You may commence with the “shit-for-brains” jokes now.).

  • Julie

    I agree w/Stacy (comment #20).

  • “Into the World There Came a Soul Called Ida (the Lord in His Heaven and I in my Room Below)”

    I dunno…the title of your picture reminded me of Ivan Albright

  • Sheryl

    Fish, you’ve obviously never been constipated for a really really long time. Because not only do you have to wait and wait and wait some more, while your belly swells, but the final throes, when they come, can be like the pain of birthing a petrified treetrunk.

  • HazelEyedPisces

    I totally recognized it as the night they played pill bottle fetch. Great shot Dooce!

  • red

    nice shot

  • Karen Rani

    Beautiful shot of laxatives….never thought I’d ever say that….

    Fish: I utterly love you. Yes, I said utterly. If you knew me a bit better, you’d know I’m a nursing Mama and it’s a play on words, as in udder…as in I’m a dairy cow…..oh never mind. 😛

  • Colleen from NJ

    Fish, and this has nothing to do with the picture… Little Fish has arrived? How did I miss this?

  • Happy Thanksgiving to you and your beautiful family. Be kind and toss Chuck some turkey scraps!

  • Cori

    what the heck is that? Looks like a lima bean

  • Kano

    Sorry guys…I don’t get it. It looks like a bad negative that was kept in the dip pan too long.

    Fish take it easy you are going to stress out all your roe.

  • Kano, I just feel so sorry for you. You are in my prayers.

  • Kano

    Hey thanks Dooce!

    It won’t help though……I was kicked out of Hell for trying to take over.

  • Colleen: No, he’s not here yet. Our doula, upon seeing our changing table and new diaper disposal unit, was just filling us in on the wonderful world of baby shit that was about to head our way.

  • DoulaBrooke

    Doulas rock!

  • Fish:

    Be sure to read up on Dooce’s archives on Leta’s poop and the mind-boggling transition from the pre-solid food poop to the post-solid food OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL poop.

  • Laura

    Am I the only one….who doesnt get it about the box?

    What am I missing?

  • Patty

    That’s some new hairdo you adopted for leading the congregation in song…and you even photoshopped the picture to match some of Chuck I’ve seen (in front of a impossibly blue cloud-filled sky.)

  • Box

    bush, bearded clam, bearded oyster, beaver, butterfly, chuf, clam, coochie, cooter, crotch, cunny, female genitalia, flaps, flower, fudd, fur, fur pie, fuzz, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, gash, glory hole, grumble, grunt, hole, honey pot, hoochie, hoohaa, hoo-hoo, ho ho, labia, lower lips, man in the boat, mud flaps, muff, muff pie, mound, peach, pink, piss flaps, poonany, poonanny, pubic region, pudendum, puntang, quim, rose, slit, snatch, taco, trim, twat, vagina, vulva/vulvar

  • Oh god, Laura…

    …you must be young?
    I’m not going to try to be funny, I’m just going to give it to you straight, girl.

    Box = Vagina

  • cori

    On the Today show this morning in the crowd someone held up a sign that said “I gotta have more cowbell” and I laughed like a loon and thought of dooce. So I had to share!

  • Nobody



  • Heather

    Ahhh, relief!!!

  • Dooce– that picture of The Imposter is pretty freaky, alright. But what really strikes me is that it looks like she was photoshopped out of another background. And her hands could really be either in the “Filled With The Spirit” position, or the “Really Big Sandwich” position. Hmmm.

    Singing to the Glory of God? Or to the Glory of the Terrific Reuben?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more