An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Under the moon shone a bottle of laxatives

  • Fenton

    Oh yeah, Sarah. Give it to her straight. And tell us what you’re wearing.

  • Colleen from NJ

    Ahhh…Yes, it’s a wonderful world. You are wise to be prepared for such wonders. Although do be aware of the male guppy’s special ability to squirt you in the eye the very second his guppiness is exposed to the air. Here’s to your joyful anticipation!

  • Nobody

    And the comment page is silent while people go re-read The Box.

  • Colleen from NJ

    above note is to Fish…

  • After I read your post about Chuck and the pill bottles, I gave our baby a vitamin bottle as a distraction to get back my PDA after he’d grabbed it.

    This worked great till he managed to get off the child-proof cap and I had to fish a vitamin and a fresh-pak out of his mouth.

    Be warned: pill bottles might be good toys for Chuck, but babies are ever so much more dextrous and tricksy.

    I can never get shots of the moon to work. This one is lovely.

  • HAHAHAHA! I had NO IDEA you were changing the face of american christianity!

    Cool moon pic, too. 🙂

  • On your “Enjoying” entry….guess all the belting out hymns in the kitchen is finally paying off, huh?

    And just so the Comment Police don’t come after me for getting off the topic of the photo *(rolls eyes dramatically)* …The rhythm of “Under the moon shone a bottle of laxatives” has “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” stomping its duh-duh-DUM, duh-duh-DUM, duh-duh-DUM rhythm through my (very tired) brain….”The moon on the crest of the new-fallen snow, gave a luster of midday to objects below….” (objects, like bottles of laxatives, I’m assuming)

  • nothing says romance like a freshly purged colon.

  • Stacy

    I didn’t get the box thing either. Why would anyone call it a box? It isn’t square, and I hope no one has one with pointy edges. Now I am going to re-read.

  • When I saw the other Heather Armstrong it made me go “EEEEEEK!”

  • That’s a nice photo but I really like the one of you leading worship. 😉

  • kim

    you guys are funny. and i didn’t know ’bout the box either. maybe it’s the age, maybe the country.. but i said it before: i learn so much about the english language here. thank you all and have a great thanksgiving (i’m jealous btw – i love turkey..)

  • I’m very disappointed in myself…I just got The Box reference after reading the comments. I’m a disgrace…

  • Sammy Hagar

    Didn’t you ever hear my song “Three Lock Box”:
    Suckers walk, money talks!
    But it can’t touch my three lock box!
    Uh! Oh, yeah!
    Mysteries of the days of old.
    You find the key, you got the gold.
    One, two, three lock box.
    One, two, three lock box.
    One, two, three lock box.
    One, two, three lock box.
    Treasure’s here, sunken there.
    Buried treasure’s everywhere.
    One, two, three lock box.
    One, two, three lock box.
    Don’t go far, circle close.

    Oh wait, that song’s about the Holy Trinity

  • Nice shot. The pic makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, can’t say the same about the caption. I read it and now somehow feel stressed 😉

  • “Should I wipe up the carpet or the baby first?”

    NO! FIRST you get the camera and take pictures!

  • Sheryl

    It’s just water – why bother?

  • Freaking FABULOUS picture.
    Also, I would clean the carpet first. When my 15 month old spills or spits up on the carpet which is an everyday occurence I clean the carpet first because it cost a lot more than her. 🙂

  • Karen Rani

    AMEN Bruce! I was going to write the same thing!

  • Whoa, you had an eclipse in Utah too?? How freaky is that?

  • Tracy

    Let the baby drip-dry. Builds character.

  • Kahli

    Did anybody see the Northern Lights a couple weeks ago? Fish in Wisco?

    I am one of those suckers at work this morning…
    Dooce, it sure is nice.. it looks warm, like you took it during a forest fire in Yellowstone… “Chuck was dodging windfall and scared wildlife, yet the bottles kept shaking and bewtween the rattle of the pills and the rattling of his nerves, all he could think was- I better get a fucking pop tart after all this bullshit.”

    Well except for the powerline in the photo… I guess that isn’t very forest-y. Still a nice picture.

    Looks like an eclipse. Maybe I will just continue to list things I might think it looks like, would you all want some more of my unsolicited opinions? Totally?

    Have a wonderful day everybody, thanks for making me smile.

  • KS

    Do a search for “Heather B. Armstrong” on Yahoo! Images.


  • Kahli

    KS- awesome!

    Heather, isn’t that from an old post? It looks familair but I wasn’t sure if it is from Dooce or one of “those” emails, that gets around…

    Back to being a sucker at “work” …talk about feeling guilty.

  • KS

    Is it? Am I that retarded?

  • You’re lucky, Heather. My name moonlights as an amateur wrestler who dressed all in purple, with a zebra-skin cowboy hat. The pimp pic from the Halloween party struck a little close to what it looked like…

  • Tracy: You are funny. The image of the baby hanging by a clothesline just won’t get out of my head.

  • Sheryl

    Besides, being the baby of recovering Mormons – do you have to be bot clean *and* dry?

  • hayley

    weird that you called her “the baby” in your post. you always refer to her as Leta.

    and you should neither clean the baby or dry the rug first. before you do either of those things you should write a post about what happened. by then it won’t matter which one you do, both will be soaked.

  • hayley

    ACK! as if i put “or” instead or “nor”! what will the grammar sticklers think of me now?

    i’d better go eat some shoots and leaves….

  • Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. I took the day off to get my mom and bring her to my house (6 hours in the car with 3 kids)
    I might not survive it so I thought I would give my wishes now.

  • In this season of giving thanks for God’s blessings, I’m especially thankful for stool softeners, laxatives, anti-diarrheals and two-ply toilet paper.

    Thought you should know.

  • That give a whole new meaning to “the pipes the pipes are calling” Danny Boy.

  • Amanda B.: Oh, boy. *shakes head while at a loss for words*

  • Sheryl

    I give thanks for Amanda B.
    Funniest line of the day and it’s not even dark out yet.

    By the way, I prefer it when they come after work, since my dry cleaning bill is getting f-ing ridiculous.

  • Sheryl

    I give thanks for Amanda B.
    Funniest line of the day and it’s not even dark out yet.

    By the way, I prefer it when they come after work, since my dry cleaning bill is getting f-ing ridiculous. Soon I will have to see a doctor for thr coffee burns in my sinuses.

  • By the time my third child came along, I’d already had the baby-sized shackles made to keep her from getting from point A to point B. Your a newbie, you don’t know yet what havoc an ambulatory child can wreak. I can send you a photo of our poor, defenseless couch if you want the proof.

  • Colleen from NJ

    as I was reading Jenn’s comment, my boy in utero nearly knocked my laptop off my supposed lap,
    “destroying what nice things (I)have left.”

  • Interesting Shot…

  • Sheryl

    Fish, if she’s waiting for a chance at another World Series, that’ll be 13 months of gestation…

  • Looks like a beautiful ‘harvest moon’ – soooo romantic! Especially when laxatives are involved. (snicker)

  • Would that be the view from the bathroom, or am I reading too much into the title? If it is… do you always take your camera when you use the toilet?????

  • Beautiful

  • First! Or second!

    Yay… that just means I’m the only schmuck at work this morning.

  • Adina

    I have been reading for some time and can’t imagine this is true….am I first?!?

  • excuses excuses. No explanation needed. i too would have written first.. or perhaps dried the carpet with the baby or vice versa of course.

  • This whole box thing… maybe it’s because I’m gay but.. I don’t get it. que?

  • Cori

    Precious Cox!!! that’s freakin hilarious,

  • Cori

    I wish I had a cool pornstar name like that!!

  • So right, hayley. Jack’s son is cooler, anyway.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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